Depression and Mothers of Murdered Children

I did not know how badly "The Date" was going to hit me this year.  'It' has hit me as badly as the day the sheriffs knocked on my door to deliver the tragically debilitating news of Justin's murder January 11, 2011 at 4:27 PM.

Depression is an uncontrollable emotion.  I know because I never experienced [depression] before Justin was murdered.  I see a psychologist once a week and there is a shelf in one of my kitchen cabinets that looks like a freaking pharmacy; yet still I have no relief from Justin being gone from my life.

I truly do not believe I will have relief until I see Justin's smile and his hand reaches for mine in the light.  This is when I honestly believe I will have relief again.

Suddenly in the midst of whatever I am doing I simply [must] sleep.  These sleep episodes are uncontrollable, too.  I sleep for hours on end if I wake it may be to feed my animals or let Luke out and I am literally back asleep before my head hits the pillow.  These are [hard] sleeps; if I dream I remember nothing, I do not hear the phone ringing, or hear if people knock, I am literally out. 

This is what I have been doing since the 11th.  I am typing this while I am awake because I do not know if I will experience another sleep episode.  Right now I feel fine but this is how I have felt everyday then suddenly I cannot stay awake. This has happened everyday since the 12th; I have slept approximately 16 or more hours everyday.

I was accustomed to these sleep episodes for the first couple years.  Then they became less and less.  However, since Sunday they have come back with a fury.

I really [really] miss Justin and my life sucks without him here.  I wish I could say something positive or share a moment of joy but without Justin there just is not the same hope or future.  Hell there is not any future.  The murderer took this all away with two bullets.

All I want is my son back, I want life the way it was one minute before the MURDER of JUSTIN HAPPENED! 

Justin's [forlorn] momma

Christmas 2009 Justin and me having our epic Silly String battle!  We always had so much fun from the time Justin was six months old until he was [murdered] we laughed about everything..now nothing is funny!

!

Murderer LOST Appeal ~ YES!

******** APPEALS COURT UPDATE APPEAL WON THIS TIME********

October 1, 2014

The opinion came back on Friday and I haven’t read it yet, but we won by a close margin. That means the Court upheld the conviction . 

The brief is 45 pages long and I have been in Court so I will scan and email it to you on Tuesday. The case is also reported, which means it can be used and quoted in other cases. There is the possibility the Defense Attorney may appeal this case to the Court of Appeals and the Attorney General thought that might be a possibility.

Take care. This is GOOD NEWS!!

********A WIN FOR JUSTIN!!! Justice PREVAILED!!!********

Let's pray Mr. Williams cannot get another appeal or if he does he LOOSES AGAIN!

Opinion link on google:

http://www.mdcourts.gov/opinions/cosa/2014/0651s12.pdf 

Mr. Williams LOST Appeal can be read on this link from google.  The sad issue [which drives me up a tree as Justin's momma] is the description of what occurred the day Mr. Williams cold bloodily murdered my son is a LIE!  A COMPLETE AND UTTER LIE!  There was no struggle between Justin and Mr. Williams for the gun; my son, Justin, had never seen a firearm in his entire life.  He was a[geekl] a double major Physics and Astronomy/minor Geophysics who did not know the first thing about fighting!   

I spoke to the eyewitnesses once we knew there would not be a jury trial; I know exactly how my beautiful son died~cruelly, horrifically, senselessly, at pointblank range with Williams looking him in the eyes!?!

Mr. Williams defense attorney guided Mr. Williams into taking a [plea deal] for he knew a jury trial would bring in experts and the coroners report which would prove [and logically dispute] everything this murdering sociopath uttered.

God please watch over Justin's path of justice. In Jesus name we pray, amen.

Justin's [for the first time in four years H-A-P-P-Y] momma

Justin and me standing outside of the rental home where Williams would enter uninvited and fatally shot my wonderful son on January 11, 2011.  Why didn't Williams ask Justin for my address before shooting Justin so he could kill me also?  I died that day anyway!  I breathe and my heartbeats but this is all.  WILLIAMS; I WANT MY SON BACK!