Wednesday, January 1, 2014

A Child and Mommas Connection~Unbreakable

While pregnant with Justin I did not know the baby's gender; even so, I chose to only pick out a boys name!

Justin for the baby's first name, Vance, after my step father, for the middle name, DeSha, my maiden name, as my father passed three years prior to Justin's birth and of course the birth fathers last name Overcash.

On the way to the hospital Justin's father kept asking was I absolutely certain that we should not have a girls name prepared?  I kept saying no; on his fifth annoying and redundant question I uncontrollably shouted, "OKAY!  FINE!  Justine Vanessa!!"  Adding much more loudly, "BUT IT'S NOT GONNA BE A GIRL!"

Hey I was experiencing contractions what do you want from me; civility?  If you knew him; he is extremely annoying by nature I truly feel [under the circumstances] I held it together very well!!  Chocking him went through my mind several times; however, he was driving and I was doing my contraction thing!

Oh for a young girls sake I hoped it was not going to be a girl; all of a sudden all I could hear in my mind was my voice shouting, "Justine Vanessa" and kept thinking I did not quite believe I could handle having a daughter with this name combination!  Now I really wanted to smack him for the mental anguish on top of contractions!

The 'only a boy' issue came about naturally on my part; #1~I just knew I was having a BOY. #2~I have four brothers of my own as well as many more male cousins [double] than female and Justin's father had one sibling; a brother, #3 I was carrying the baby low~BOY, and #4 a dream assured me that I was carrying a boy.  A dream you say; yes a dream an announcing dream and a most unsettling dream.

You may think it an 'old wives tale' or just believe it to be nonsense but for those who have an open mind there are many unexplainable occurrences in this world and one just has to take a leap of faith.

Google~ *Announcing Dream ~

*"A concept relating to reincarnation. When a soul is ready to reincarnate, it will announce itself, often to the woman pregnant with the soul’s future body. Sometimes, however, another person—such as the future child’s father or other relative—will have the announcing dream. Implies that the soul of a person does not enter the body at inception.


In my eighth month [you can believe or disbelieve me] I had such a dream; however, I would awaken from my *announcing dream shattered, crying and fearing for my future child.  My dream was so vivid even to this day I have never forgotten one detail.  This dream bothered me from that day and still does because my dream of Justin's announcing came true.

During my sleep [and as you have probably also said in referring to an intense dream, "It felt so real!"] their was a toddler standing in front of me.  I cannot tell you anything of what was in the surroundings I was so intent upon looking at this child.  He was so beautiful so fair complected, beautiful blue eyes [but they did not hold a look of happiness there was no expression at all], his hair was so blonde and curly, he wore red corduroy overalls and a pale yellow turtle neck.  He was holding his left hand on his left side under his rib cage and his right hand was atop his left.  I remember looking at him and cocking my head to the right as if I were puzzled and it was then he held out his hands toward me and his hands were covered with blood.  This is when I woke crying hysterically and told Justin's father of this horrible dream.  Justin was born shortly afterward on May 1, 1988.

Justin Christmas 1989 he was 19 months old and looking [swag] before there was [swag]!

On January 11, 2011 when Justin was murdered by a Prince Georges County, MD career criminal  

Justin was shot twice on his left side right below his rib cage in the precise place the toddler 

of my unforgettable announcing dream of 22 years earlier.


The holidays?  I am happy they have passed; sad that they will come again.  I successfully hid from everything and everyone; I know I cannot continue to handle the holidays hiding in my home [and not answering the phone] for the remainder of my life but without Justin life is not fun anymore. 

Honey I miss you...and Justin you know I will forever love you [bigger than the universe]!  momma