Daily Life Weighs Heavily Upon My Heart

Sweet Cali you will be missed; thank you for your kind devotion to me.~2012

My beautiful son, Justin, holding Luke while Sandi [Chihuahua] looks annoyed and jealous~ 2005!

This became a traumatic day when I found an article about the UMd tragedy, that occurred last week, and the idiot [reporter] who penned the article 'trashed' Justin. I went 'off the deep end' [to say the least] and began sending emails; finally I was able to speak with a young woman...well I did not really [speak] I was screaming, screeching, crying and cursing like a crazed woman who LOST all control. How can people be so cruel and callous? My SON IS DEAD for God's sake LEAVE HIM ALONE, LET HIM BE. I am sick and tired of fabricated scenarios; why are some people so much more interested in LIES than THE TRUTH! LIFE is not a F**KING SOAP OPERA! My nerves needed all of this like I need a DAMN HOLE IN MY HEAD!

To make matters more complicated I had to finally face the reality, our Chihuahua, Paco Sanchez III [aka Sandi] is more than ready to cross the "Rainbow Bridge"; we always want to hold on [well I do anyway]. I have never understood why our precious pets cannot live longer lives. So I sat down and made the call to arrange [a day] I have dreaded every day for the past 6 months. A very nice lady answered the phone and graciously listened to me explain the reason for my call. She was so patient and understanding and after a short pause she said, "You can come in the morning." My heart began to pound and I blurted, "No! Not tomorrow!" Why? Because I wanted to hold on just a little longer. A decision was made that I would bring my precious Sanman [my nickname for him] at 5 PM on Friday. I hung up the phone, still crying, with what remains of my heart aching; but I cannot allow my dear buddy to suffer any longer. I resigned myself to the reality that at 5 PM this coming Friday Sanman would leave me to be with Justin.

All of this wore me down emotionally and I laid down on the bed around 7:30 PM this evening and had every intention of just laying there for a minute or two; I must have fallen into a deep sleep. I was jolted so abruptly, by the sound of one of my cats literally screaming, I thought it was morning. I jumped out of the bed and ran toward the screaming only to find Cali [my rescue Calico] in the hallway in great distress. As I picked her up she passed away before could even stand up with her in my arms. I sat down on the sofa holding her, rocking back and forth trying to administer CPR. When I realized my actions were moot I began to scream and cry; I am so tired of death. I've been outside for the past hour digging her grave even though I cannot bring myself to put her in there tonight. I know I'm an idiot, I know she's gone; but what if.....everything is prepared and she will be laid to her gentle rest in the morning.

It was when I came back in from digging sweet Cali's grave I knew that I have to take Sanman tomorrow so he can finally be free to move on, too. Sandi is my final connection with Justin so yes it is very hard to let go; but I must for Sanman's sake.

"Life is hard; dying is easy."

I remain Justin's sad and broken momma ♥

Good bye my sweet, sweet Cali, I will miss you greatly.

Bereavement isn't a condition that clears up

A poem written by a bereaved ~Unknown~mother who lost her child too soon!  I would like to share her words with all the mothers who have lost their beautiful children; she knows [all too well] how we feel and what we endure from people who mean well but all they really need to say is, "I'm sorry."  I remain Justin's devoted, loving, sad and confused momma ♥

Please, don't ask me if I'm over it yet
I'll never get over it

Please, don't tell me he's in a better place
He's not here with me
 
Please, don't say at least he isn't suffering
I haven't come to terms with why he had to suffer at all
 
Please, don't tell me you know how I feel
Unless you have lost a child
 
Please, don't ask me if I feel better
Bereavement isn't a condition that clears up
 
Please, don't tell me you had him for so many years
What year would you chose for your child to die?
 

• Please, don't tell me God never gives more than we can bear
• Please, just say you are sorry
• Please, just say you remember my child
• Please, just let me talk about my child
• Please mention my child's name
• Please, just let me cry.  

Murderers are becoming younger every day in America.

MURDEROUS Criminals are becoming YOUNGER AND YOUNGER in America....SOMETHING MUST BE DONE TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT AND GIVE VICTIMS & SURVIVORS RIGHTS....PARENTS~"HOME IS WHERE THE START IS..."

Love your child[ren], be patient, communicate, communicate, communicate, PROTECT YOUR CHILD, respect each other, trust your child[ren] and ALWAYS share laughter and memories!  Break the cycle of incorrect parenting skills.  Angry at your child[ren]~LEAVE THE ROOM AND COUNT TO TEN FOR GOSH SAKES!  Hitting your child[ren] only allows them to grow-up believing this is the only way to solve situations; why not try teaching your child[ren] verbal skills.  The art of defusing a bad situation can be done most proficiently with WORDS. 

I have utilized this method many times [as did my beautiful son] and I will tell you I have never endured bullying [nor did Justin]; even when I have come up against a few violent people I still used verbal defusing.  Not once have I ever been in fear; but you must be looking them directly in the eye when you are speaking and you must maintain this eye contact at all times and the [most important part] SMILE the entire time and never raise your voice or loose your cool!  If you know someone is being bullied TELL SOMEONE....I am Justin's momma ♥.

Cut & Paste the link below in your browser or Double click the link to read this senselessly and tragically sad story of murder at the hands of children on a school playground [a place this child should have enjoyed and been SAFE].




http://www.nbcbayarea.com/news/national-international/Bullied-Boy-Dies-in-Hospital-Says-Family-194745221.html?fb_action_ids=10200753546180058&