“As
my sufferings mounted I soon realized that there were two ways in which
I could respond to my situation -- either to react with bitterness or
seek to transform the suffering into a creative force. I decided to
follow the latter course.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.
Today
is the 11th; on some level [within me] I do not even need to see a
calendar to know. Yes I know, there are 12 elevens in a year but I
still have difficulty dealing with this monthly occurrence. My son, my
Justin has been [gone] for two years, five months and nineteen hours and
30 minutes from the time of this post. This past weekend CJ [Green]
was in Asheville and stopped by to visit Justin in his resting place; he
is the first to do this. Sadly [due to the suddenness in loosing our
Justin] I had no choice but to take him far from his brothers and
sisters company. I truly wish [at the time] I had an alternative so
more of Justin's Cuzes could visit; but alas, this was not possible.
Although, I am aware that no amount of prayers, wishes, begging or
penance will bring Justin home I continue to ache for Justin's presence,
his love, his hugs, his laughter, his kindness, gentle nature and
friendship. [For those who do not understand the depth of my
bereavement I owe no explanation.]
Decades ago I prayed to the
Lord; during my life on this planet all I wished to know ~ [is true love
and true happiness] and HE gifted me with Justin. Justin taught me
true love, patience, joy, to put others before myself and with his
presence the greatest happiness I have ever known in my lifetime [or
will ever know again].
Justin and I will remain connected with
an unseen [cord]; if you do not believe my words that is fine. However,
I KNOW without a doubt that Justin watches over me attempting to
protect me from the harsh reality of human actions.
I
understand I will be in counseling for the remainder of my life as there
is nothing, no [equation, example, answer, or rational] available for
me to understand why Justin is no longer by my side.
I remain Justin's [loving, devoted and sad] momma throughout eternity.
