I received my sign; how about you? Justin's [changing the world one person at a time] momma

Parent's of murdered children~We're not going crazy...

Remember we're not going crazy; we are grieving, we are normal~!
Justin's momma


Copied from the FBI Victim's Assistance site 05/15/2013

Coping with Crime Victimization

Anyone can become a victim of a crime. If it happens to you or someone you love, here are some important points to remember:

Being a victim of a crime can be a very difficult and stressful experience. While most people are naturally resilient and over time will find ways to cope and adjust, there can be a wide range of after effects to a trauma. One person may experience many of the effects, a few, or none at all. Not everyone has the same reaction. In some people the reaction may be delayed days, weeks, or even months. Some victims may think they are “going crazy,” when they are having a normal reaction to an abnormal event.

Getting back to normal can be a difficult process after a personal experience of this kind, especially for victims of violent crime and families of murder victims. Learning to understand and feel more at ease with the intense feelings can help victims better cope with what happened.

Victims may need to seek help from friends, family, a member of the clergy, a counselor, or a victim assistance professional.

Potential effects of trauma

Some people who have been victims of crime may experience some of these symptoms. Seek medical advice if the symptoms persist.

Physical

Nausea
Tremors
Chills or sweating
Lack of coordination
Heart palpitations or chest pains
High blood pressure
Headaches
Sleep disturbances
Stomach upset
Dizziness
Loss of appetite
Startled responses

Emotional

Anxiety
Fear
Guilt
Grief
Depression
Sadness
Anger
Irritability
Numbness
Feeling lost, abandoned, and isolated
Wanting to withdraw or hide

Mental

Slowed thinking
Confusion
Disorientation
Memory problems
Intrusive memories or flashbacks
Nightmares
Inability to concentrate
Difficulty in making decisions

Tips for coping

These are some ideas that may help you cope with the trauma or loss:

Find someone to talk with about how you feel and what you are going through. Keep the phone number of a good friend nearby to call when you feel overwhelmed or feel panicked.
Allow yourself to feel the pain. It will not last forever.
Keep a journal.
Spend time with others, but make time to spend time alone.
Take care of your mind and body. Rest, sleep, and eat regular, healthy meals.
Re-establish a normal routine as soon as possible, but don’t over-do.
Make daily decisions, which will help to bring back a feeling of control over your life.
Exercise, though not excessively and alternate with periods of relaxation.
Undertake daily tasks with care. Accidents are more likely to happen after severe stress.
Recall the things that helped you cope during trying times and loss in the past and think about the
things that give you hope. Turn to them on bad days.

These are things to avoid:

Be careful about using alcohol or drugs to relieve emotional pain. Becoming addicted not only postpones healing, but also creates new problems.
Make daily decisions, but avoid making life changing decisions in the immediate aftermath, since judgment may be temporarily impaired.
Don’t blame yourself—it wasn’t your fault.
Your emotions need to be expressed. Try not to bottle them up.

For some victims and families of victims, life is forever changed. Life may feel empty and hollow. Life doesn’t “mean” what it used to. Part of coping and adjusting is redefining the future. What seemed important before may not be important now. Many victims find new meaning in their lives as a result of their experience. It is important to remember that emotional pain is not endless and that it will eventually ease. It is impossible to undo what has happened but life can be good again in time.

For family and friends of a victim of crime:

Listen carefully.
Spend time with the victim.
Offer your assistance, even if they haven’t asked for help.
Help with everyday tasks like cleaning, cooking, caring for the family, minding the children.
Give them private time.
Don’t take their anger or other feelings personally.
Don’t tell them they are “lucky it wasn’t worse”—traumatized people are not consoled by such statements.
Tell them that you are sorry such an event has occurred to them and you want to understand and help them.

Victim's of Violent Crimes MUST Support One Another

God works in the most miraculous ways when his children are hurting [for all of us]; and the holidays make this pain fore fold. I was in the mall in Asheville two years ago [April 2011]. I was just wondering around; so bereaved over the loss of our Justin.  I had lost control of my emotions and a young man working a gold kiosk approached me hocking gold. Firstly~ I was in a real daze [this was my first trip out of the house [alone] since Justin's murder on January 11, 2011] and truly I did not wish to speak with anyone. Before I could control myself I jumped this young man; unexpectedly he jumped me back.  After a heated argument ensued I hurriedly walk away because I truly wanted to [rip out his juggler]. 

The more I walked the worse I felt; yelling at people is not my personality. I walked all the back to his kiosk determined to apologize for my inexcusable behavior...we both blurted apologizes at the same time and hugged. 

It turned out Tim Burns [22 years old] was from Boston and his younger brother was murdered [12 years before]. We talked for quite some time about his brother Robbie and my son Justin. He even called his mom, Kristi, in Boston, where he was born. His mother a retired Captain from the military had been the president of a victims advocate chapter for four years. Tim took my number and promised he would have his mom call me. I had no sooner gotten to my car, in the mall parking lot, when my cell phone rang and it was his mother! She talked with me for three hours. Adding, at this time, her youngest son [Robbie] had been gone 12 years and she still was far from over the tragedy that took Robbie away and she cry's a lot [at the time~ Twelve years later she professed to a total stranger]; "I have a few good days but I still experience bad days that lead to bad weeks." and...she is a retired CAPTAIN!

Tim and his mother [Kristi] keep in touch with me [off and on]; although, I had not spoken to [or seen Tim] in 8 months. Out of the blue he called last week and asked if he could take me out for Mother's Day dinner {???!!!???}. I was not sure if I was ready; [now 25 years old; the same age of my Justin] he told me to think about his invitation; it was open whether I was ready or not.

Tim called Mother's Day morning and I said, "Yes that it would be nice to get out." But all day long I had doubts...I talked to a friend who encouraged me to go~it took all the strength I could muster; but I got ready and we met at Hannah Flanagan's~a great Irish Pub setting with wonderful food and atmosphere. Tim reminds me of our Justin [not in looks] but in his demeanor. He is smart, funny, worldly and kind.

In the south one ends up carrying on conversations with everyone [even total strangers] sitting around them [it's a hillbilly thang]. This lovely couple in their forties were so funny and talkative and we enjoyed the conversation. It was time for us to leave and I walked over to this lovely couple to say, "good evening" and the woman immediately says, "GURL you got it going on!" This caught me off guard and I said, "Excuse me?" OMG!! OMG!! She and her husband thought I was a cougar with the catch of the century!!!!! I felt my face blush; I quickly and briefly told them Tim had asked to take me to mother's day dinner because my son is gone and his mother lives in Boston. The lady stood up and hugged me twice and her husband was speechless.

Life's Lesson #104~ never ASSUME! hahahaha I did have a wonderful time and I am so happy God arranged this...somehow I feel Justin may have had a hand in this wonderful evening

I had a wonderful Mother's Day thanks to Tim Burns.

I remain Justin's [got to gut laugh last night] momma