Monday, December 16, 2013

When Your Child IS Involved Listen WITH Your Heart

With no idea why; I relocated from NC to MD on May 9, 2009.  Moving did allow me to spend a lot of time with Justin over the next year, 8 months and 2 days.  Time I would not have had with Justin had I remained in NC.

It only took me a few days after Justin's senseless and heinous murder to understand the purpose behind my move to MD. 

Had I remained in NC I would have only seen Justin on Thanksgiving or Christmas and a couple of days in August before his semesters began. God truly does work in mysterious ways; thank you God for Your knowledge of what the future would bring.  Your kindness toward my heart in allowing me to spend more time with Justin before You called him home will never be forgotten.

I miss you son; imagine how I dealt with you leaving for college and multiply this heartache by infinity plus one.  The clock ticks slowly away at every second of each 24 hours since you had to go away.  

I want 2011 to begin again with you, Justin, unharmed.  Every day I want so badly to wake up and realize this has been a bad dream honey; to turn back the hands of time for real not just in my mind.  Finally the phone rings and you are on the other end.  If only.....if only....

I never thought [for even a nano second] honey you would leave us and now that you have I do not like it...no, I do not like it at all. Our life use to be filled to the brim with wondrous moments while you were here Justin.  Now there is no [wonder], no [happiness], no [understanding], no [need to be].  So many hearts shattered; then there are the ones who do not understand and tell me to 'move on'.  I have literally turned my back to those who tout these absurd words as so few have had a beautiful child to love and cherish; they have absolutely no clue [thank God] of what they speak.  Society is insane to teach us to pretend all is fine and well when in fact it is neither.  I have never adhered to societal pressures and I certainly do not plan on starting now!  You lived, you were murdered and I want you back Justin!

I will grieve for you, my child, in my own manner and way; if others do not like it DO NOT LOOK, DO NOT LISTEN or INVOLVE yourselves! 

Thank you Justin for everything you did for me and others, thank you son for loving me and others, thank you for bringing out my ability to love and cherish you my child. I love you "beyond all reason", I miss your hugs, pranks, laughter, compassion, thoughts, observations of the world and so much more honey. I remain your loving momma throughout eternity and beyond.

I miss and love you honey and always will...until we meet again; keep watch over us...momma

Repost of Justin's Christmas Tribute from Christmas 2012~Background Music Composed by Jca$h

http://youtu.be/zoltOL6lG0Y 

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