My blog is a tribute to my beautiful son, Justin DeSha-Overcash. On occasion I add a mixture of my thoughts, information I consider [need to know], truthful and researched comments (which contain my own opinions) on family, VIOLENT CRIME in America, the judicial system, the US failing economy and the decline of sane political ethical practices. I AM JUSTIN'S MOMMA AND I WILL NOT SIT STILL WHILE ANYONE HARMS ANOTHER HUMAN OR ANIMAL
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Monday, November 11, 2013
Meet One of My Many Son's From Another Mother
Will, one of my son, Justin's, best friends from
PA, came through Asheville on his way to FL to visit his grandparents. We
spent Saturday in downtown Asheville. Everyone knows 'If your not weird then you're not weird enough for Asheville' or so the bumper sticker says!
There were the usual street musicians and artists. Will was amazed; he asked if they paid to be there. I told him no they just set up where ever they felt the urge and 'did their thing'. He was especially interested in a young man playing a dulcimer as he had never seen this instrument. As I do with all visitors who come to Asheville I made him take a photo by the Iron monument.
We enjoyed a leisurely late lunch in one of Asheville's many great eateries and then Will treated me to a tour of the art museum and we were lucky enough to get a free treat to roam through the rock museum because it was after 4 PM!
At sunset we went to Justin's grave site and hung out with Justin as we took in the beauty of the Smokey Moutains. We shared stories about Justin and we laughed and we cried. Before we left Will knelt at his brothers grave and said a silent prayer for my beautiful son.
Will's time in Asheville was a most wonderful surprise and memory!!
I love you Will, my son from another mother, thank you for lunch and for treating me to the museum tour!! I know I talked too much but you were most kind and patient!
I am OC'S momma [Justin's nickname in PA is OC for Overcash]
There were the usual street musicians and artists. Will was amazed; he asked if they paid to be there. I told him no they just set up where ever they felt the urge and 'did their thing'. He was especially interested in a young man playing a dulcimer as he had never seen this instrument. As I do with all visitors who come to Asheville I made him take a photo by the Iron monument.
We enjoyed a leisurely late lunch in one of Asheville's many great eateries and then Will treated me to a tour of the art museum and we were lucky enough to get a free treat to roam through the rock museum because it was after 4 PM!
At sunset we went to Justin's grave site and hung out with Justin as we took in the beauty of the Smokey Moutains. We shared stories about Justin and we laughed and we cried. Before we left Will knelt at his brothers grave and said a silent prayer for my beautiful son.
Will's time in Asheville was a most wonderful surprise and memory!!
I love you Will, my son from another mother, thank you for lunch and for treating me to the museum tour!! I know I talked too much but you were most kind and patient!
I am OC'S momma [Justin's nickname in PA is OC for Overcash]
| Will left me a surprise message! |
Labels:
Asheville,
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Justin DeSha-Overcash,
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Smokey Mountains
I Want My Son's Life Back
Today is the 11th of November marking two
years and ten months since Justin was murdered. I refuse to say lost or
taken, during a conversation with another mother she made sense when
she adamantly stated, "I did not loose my daughter; she was murdered!" I
never lost Justin at any point of his twenty two short years; never!
I didn't even like making Justin sit in the car alone all hot, dirty and tired after a sports practice while I shopped when he needed to get home shower and finish up any homework assignments he might need to complete. One particular evening football practice ended a good bit earlier than usual and yes I had run to the grocery store. CJ Charles Green and Carmen Le'Hazel Green's mother [Lora Green] said, "Justin we'll just run you home." Lora still enjoys telling this story, because Justin was so animated, he looked up at her [he was 11 years old] and said. "Oh no Mrs Green. If my mommie comes and I'm not here she'll freak out." Justin was right I would have FREAKED OUT; ergo, why it is difficult for so many to understand the depth of my bereavement and grieve. I guess I have [freaked out] Justin's not here and I cannot find him.
I know no one but me understands my despair and this is alright. I have never expected anyone to understand my beliefs, my heart, my mind, my love or my joy for my child, Justin. These innate qualities are mine and mine alone; I was born with them and yet there are people who think I can simply push 58 years aside. I honestly do not care who understands, in the scheme of things it truly does not matter, Justin is my son and this is my life and my road which I have no fear to walk alone.
I go to bed each night and my last thought is, "Justin is dead." When I wake my first thought is, "Justin is dead." I died on January 11, 2011 with Justin. I move, I breath, my heart beats, my mind is muddles, confused, thought is difficult, attention span none, I pray a lot, I cry a lot, I daydream about all the memories and I do thank God he gave me the ability to remember with vivid detail each [and every] moment with Justin so I can relive the laughter, the hugs, the pranks, the 'ventures', the excitement and enthusiasm, the unconditional love, his understanding and acceptance of my uniquely bohemian personality.
God gifted me [and I did not deserve such a beautiful gift] but God chose me to be Justin's momma and I will be forever grateful. Justin taught me so much and I will never forget even one of these life lessons. Honey I miss you so much the pain is unbearable and life seems so bleak. Please watch over us because you know how much we need you. Honey I will love you until the end of time and far beyond; see you in the light Babe, momma
I didn't even like making Justin sit in the car alone all hot, dirty and tired after a sports practice while I shopped when he needed to get home shower and finish up any homework assignments he might need to complete. One particular evening football practice ended a good bit earlier than usual and yes I had run to the grocery store. CJ Charles Green and Carmen Le'Hazel Green's mother [Lora Green] said, "Justin we'll just run you home." Lora still enjoys telling this story, because Justin was so animated, he looked up at her [he was 11 years old] and said. "Oh no Mrs Green. If my mommie comes and I'm not here she'll freak out." Justin was right I would have FREAKED OUT; ergo, why it is difficult for so many to understand the depth of my bereavement and grieve. I guess I have [freaked out] Justin's not here and I cannot find him.
I know no one but me understands my despair and this is alright. I have never expected anyone to understand my beliefs, my heart, my mind, my love or my joy for my child, Justin. These innate qualities are mine and mine alone; I was born with them and yet there are people who think I can simply push 58 years aside. I honestly do not care who understands, in the scheme of things it truly does not matter, Justin is my son and this is my life and my road which I have no fear to walk alone.
I go to bed each night and my last thought is, "Justin is dead." When I wake my first thought is, "Justin is dead." I died on January 11, 2011 with Justin. I move, I breath, my heart beats, my mind is muddles, confused, thought is difficult, attention span none, I pray a lot, I cry a lot, I daydream about all the memories and I do thank God he gave me the ability to remember with vivid detail each [and every] moment with Justin so I can relive the laughter, the hugs, the pranks, the 'ventures', the excitement and enthusiasm, the unconditional love, his understanding and acceptance of my uniquely bohemian personality.
God gifted me [and I did not deserve such a beautiful gift] but God chose me to be Justin's momma and I will be forever grateful. Justin taught me so much and I will never forget even one of these life lessons. Honey I miss you so much the pain is unbearable and life seems so bleak. Please watch over us because you know how much we need you. Honey I will love you until the end of time and far beyond; see you in the light Babe, momma
Thursday, November 7, 2013
The Gaul of Some People Who Speak to Parents of Murdered Children
****An
email I penned to a Mrs Haas in MD Governor O'Malley's office in 2011
pursuant to the murder and [sweeping under the rug] of 25 [TWENTY FIVE]
human lives in Prince George's County MD. I attached the letter UMd's
authors of Justin's wonderful legacy Award to apprise any of you who are
not familiar with what this award can do for out-of-state students who
truly wish to make a difference through research!
NO I was NOT nice to the Governor's office as they were NOT nice to the family's or VICTIMS who were VIOLENTLY murdered.
March 17, 2011
Dear Ms. Haas;
I appreciate your prompt response to my letter regarding the unconscionable treatment received by my only child and son, Justin DeSha-Overcash, at the hands of the Prince George's County Police Press Department after being fatally wounded in his home. Although I can understand no one wishes to think (god forbid) the police make mistakes or 'jump the gun' (so to speak); I beg to differ. Colonel Davis' actions shortly after my son's heinous MURDER have all the ear markings of using Justin as a scapegoat. During Colonel Davis' mud slinging speech in front of the media, to calm the fear of the residents of Prince George's County, he slandered my son and I have no intention of allowing this miscarriage of justice to be 'laid upon my son's back'. As naive as I can be even I have the ability to recognize an outrageously callous use of police propaganda. Justin was the ELEVENTH murder in first ELEVEN days of January; this should have been my son's most phenomenal year as he was to graduate this May. Why did the PG County Police take it upon themselves not to notify the UMD Campus Police of the sudden rise in violent crimes so the UMDCP could pass this urgent life saving information onto the students, staff and faculty? (You know and I know why they did not notify anyone!)
I shared with Pauline Mandel my participation in grief counseling in confidence and I will definitely take this up with Mrs. Mandel. For the record I am seeking counseling because I lost my son and our Nation lost a brilliant scientist; I am well aware the PG County Police used my son and no amount of counseling will change this reality. What I and everyone else heard, saw and read on January 11, 2011 coming out of Colonel Davis' mouth pursuant to my son's lifestyle was incredulously incompetent. Might I suggest Colonel Davis of the Prince George's County Police Press Department seek counseling or better yet a course in Ethics?
Not one person (American Citizen) to whom I have spoken believes the PG County Police Department has done justice to any of the 25 (Twenty Five) murder victims in the first three months of 2011. Not only have I been advocating for my son I am standing steadfast for all 25 (Twenty Five) PG County murder victims who were treated as if they deserved to die. I will continue my campaign in pursuit of justice for my son as well as all violent crime victims of PG County to the fullest extent of my abilities; with or without assistance from authorities who could make a difference.
Below I am including a letter written by the University of Maryland and emailed to their data base today regarding my son, Justin DeSha-Overcash, possibly you will then understand my involvement and commitment for the 'long-haul'. Thank you for your time, and by the way, one person can make a difference. Justin certainly made a wondrous and selfless difference in a mere twenty two years.
Regards,
Karen L. DeSha
Proud TERP mother of Justin Vance DeSha-Overcash
828-505-1264
P. S. I raised Justin to believe he should trust police and our political figures; I remember explaining to him "they are there to protect and serve". How was I to know I was lying to Justin; we were middle class and had never had any involvement with the legal system.
FROM: The University of Maryland College Park MD
March 17, 2011
Dear friend,
Early in 2011 the University of Maryland lost a very special student, Justin DeSha-Overcash. Justin was a remarkable young man who had a passion for learning and teaching. As a physics and astronomy double major, Justin carried a full course load to prepare himself for a scientific career and often spoke of graduate school to continue his education and his love of research. In his sophomore year Justin added geophysics as a minor and began working with Professor Hier-Majumder on research regarding the Earth's core-mantle boundary. Justin's contributions to this research were displayed at the 2010 fall meeting of the American Geophysical Union, attended by 16,000 researchers and his success further deepened his commitment to pursue a graduate degree in this field. Justin was an active member of the Society of Physics Student, the Maryland Astronomy Observatory and a tutor to Maryland Student-Athletes. The loss of this wonderful, engaging and giving student is felt all over our campus.
Justin’s experience was the essence of the undergraduate experience; learning about one's self both inside and outside the classroom, discovering a world of opportunities in new fields and contributing to groundbreaking research in a hands-on and significant manner. Unfortunately Justin’s journey was cut short, but the opportunity to ensure that other students are able to participate in research and make discoveries about our world and themselves is very much alive.
With your help we would like to establish the Justin DeSha-Overcash Summer Research Award to assist undergraduate students eager to pursue research opportunities and explore a world of possibilities. This research award will honor the memory of Justin by providing an out of state student who is financially needy a stipend to conduct summer research here at Maryland. Such an award not only recognizes Justin’s work and the important value he placed on research, but would significantly assist a student who is struggling to pay bills for housing, food and tuition.
As an out of state student Justin was heavily impacted by the high price of higher education and living expenses. He worked as many as four jobs during a semester to pay his tuition. It is our hope that this award will allow a student to stay at Maryland to conduct research that he or she is genuinely interested in rather than be forced to take a job that simply pays the bills.
Please use the enclosed envelope to make your gift and honor Justin and support the dreams of future scientists. Checks can be made payable to The University of Maryland College Park Foundation (UMCPF) with a memo line designating the gift to the Justin DeSha-Overcash Award. Donations may also be made online at https://advancement.umd.edu/ giving/ and searching for “Overcash” and following the links.
If you have any questions or would like more information about this award please contact Lawrence Liff at 301-405-1082 or lliff@umd.edu .
Thank you for your support.
Sincerely,
Saswata Hier-Majumder
Geology Department
Elizabeth Warner
UMD Obs.Coordinator
NO I was NOT nice to the Governor's office as they were NOT nice to the family's or VICTIMS who were VIOLENTLY murdered.
March 17, 2011
Dear Ms. Haas;
I appreciate your prompt response to my letter regarding the unconscionable treatment received by my only child and son, Justin DeSha-Overcash, at the hands of the Prince George's County Police Press Department after being fatally wounded in his home. Although I can understand no one wishes to think (god forbid) the police make mistakes or 'jump the gun' (so to speak); I beg to differ. Colonel Davis' actions shortly after my son's heinous MURDER have all the ear markings of using Justin as a scapegoat. During Colonel Davis' mud slinging speech in front of the media, to calm the fear of the residents of Prince George's County, he slandered my son and I have no intention of allowing this miscarriage of justice to be 'laid upon my son's back'. As naive as I can be even I have the ability to recognize an outrageously callous use of police propaganda. Justin was the ELEVENTH murder in first ELEVEN days of January; this should have been my son's most phenomenal year as he was to graduate this May. Why did the PG County Police take it upon themselves not to notify the UMD Campus Police of the sudden rise in violent crimes so the UMDCP could pass this urgent life saving information onto the students, staff and faculty? (You know and I know why they did not notify anyone!)
I shared with Pauline Mandel my participation in grief counseling in confidence and I will definitely take this up with Mrs. Mandel. For the record I am seeking counseling because I lost my son and our Nation lost a brilliant scientist; I am well aware the PG County Police used my son and no amount of counseling will change this reality. What I and everyone else heard, saw and read on January 11, 2011 coming out of Colonel Davis' mouth pursuant to my son's lifestyle was incredulously incompetent. Might I suggest Colonel Davis of the Prince George's County Police Press Department seek counseling or better yet a course in Ethics?
Not one person (American Citizen) to whom I have spoken believes the PG County Police Department has done justice to any of the 25 (Twenty Five) murder victims in the first three months of 2011. Not only have I been advocating for my son I am standing steadfast for all 25 (Twenty Five) PG County murder victims who were treated as if they deserved to die. I will continue my campaign in pursuit of justice for my son as well as all violent crime victims of PG County to the fullest extent of my abilities; with or without assistance from authorities who could make a difference.
Below I am including a letter written by the University of Maryland and emailed to their data base today regarding my son, Justin DeSha-Overcash, possibly you will then understand my involvement and commitment for the 'long-haul'. Thank you for your time, and by the way, one person can make a difference. Justin certainly made a wondrous and selfless difference in a mere twenty two years.
Regards,
Karen L. DeSha
Proud TERP mother of Justin Vance DeSha-Overcash
828-505-1264
P. S. I raised Justin to believe he should trust police and our political figures; I remember explaining to him "they are there to protect and serve". How was I to know I was lying to Justin; we were middle class and had never had any involvement with the legal system.
FROM: The University of Maryland College Park MD
March 17, 2011
Dear friend,
Early in 2011 the University of Maryland lost a very special student, Justin DeSha-Overcash. Justin was a remarkable young man who had a passion for learning and teaching. As a physics and astronomy double major, Justin carried a full course load to prepare himself for a scientific career and often spoke of graduate school to continue his education and his love of research. In his sophomore year Justin added geophysics as a minor and began working with Professor Hier-Majumder on research regarding the Earth's core-mantle boundary. Justin's contributions to this research were displayed at the 2010 fall meeting of the American Geophysical Union, attended by 16,000 researchers and his success further deepened his commitment to pursue a graduate degree in this field. Justin was an active member of the Society of Physics Student, the Maryland Astronomy Observatory and a tutor to Maryland Student-Athletes. The loss of this wonderful, engaging and giving student is felt all over our campus.
Justin’s experience was the essence of the undergraduate experience; learning about one's self both inside and outside the classroom, discovering a world of opportunities in new fields and contributing to groundbreaking research in a hands-on and significant manner. Unfortunately Justin’s journey was cut short, but the opportunity to ensure that other students are able to participate in research and make discoveries about our world and themselves is very much alive.
With your help we would like to establish the Justin DeSha-Overcash Summer Research Award to assist undergraduate students eager to pursue research opportunities and explore a world of possibilities. This research award will honor the memory of Justin by providing an out of state student who is financially needy a stipend to conduct summer research here at Maryland. Such an award not only recognizes Justin’s work and the important value he placed on research, but would significantly assist a student who is struggling to pay bills for housing, food and tuition.
As an out of state student Justin was heavily impacted by the high price of higher education and living expenses. He worked as many as four jobs during a semester to pay his tuition. It is our hope that this award will allow a student to stay at Maryland to conduct research that he or she is genuinely interested in rather than be forced to take a job that simply pays the bills.
Please use the enclosed envelope to make your gift and honor Justin and support the dreams of future scientists. Checks can be made payable to The University of Maryland College Park Foundation (UMCPF) with a memo line designating the gift to the Justin DeSha-Overcash Award. Donations may also be made online at https://advancement.umd.edu/
If you have any questions or would like more information about this award please contact Lawrence Liff at 301-405-1082 or lliff@umd.edu .
Thank you for your support.
Sincerely,
Saswata Hier-Majumder
Geology Department
Elizabeth Warner
UMD Obs.Coordinator
Sunday, September 15, 2013
"The measure of life..."
Honey on January 16, 2011 as
I slid across the seat of the funeral home limo, heading to the cemetery on that
horrible day, something caught my eye and took me by complete surprise....the "key to your heart
charm" fell from my bracelet onto my lap. This key would be the first of many gifts you
have sent me since you left to go home. I wish you had not had to leave me here
alone; while you were here with me life was so joyous and magically wondrous and always filled with love and laughter.
With deep and profound thoughts of you, Justin, on this day [September 11, 2013] marking two years and seven months since you went Home. I cannot help but wonder how much more honey you could have accomplished in this time now gone. Would you have the job of your dreams, would you have met your soul mate, would you be making wedding plans or would you already be wed as we awaited your first born child, would you still be composing wondrous music, would you still be......aw honey I can only dream about you and what your life could have become.
"The measure of a life is dependent on how far you will go each day to become a better person. How many people you treat with kindness and how much closer you get to learning how to forgive both yourself and others." ~Unknown
Your leaving created a hole in my heart that grows larger with each passing day. I miss you today [like I do every day]. Your leaving has created a hole in my heart that grows larger with each passing day. I love you Justin [unconditionally] from the very depths of my soul.
I am and will be throughout eternity your devoted momma
With deep and profound thoughts of you, Justin, on this day [September 11, 2013] marking two years and seven months since you went Home. I cannot help but wonder how much more honey you could have accomplished in this time now gone. Would you have the job of your dreams, would you have met your soul mate, would you be making wedding plans or would you already be wed as we awaited your first born child, would you still be composing wondrous music, would you still be......aw honey I can only dream about you and what your life could have become.
"The measure of a life is dependent on how far you will go each day to become a better person. How many people you treat with kindness and how much closer you get to learning how to forgive both yourself and others." ~Unknown
Your leaving created a hole in my heart that grows larger with each passing day. I miss you today [like I do every day]. Your leaving has created a hole in my heart that grows larger with each passing day. I love you Justin [unconditionally] from the very depths of my soul.
I am and will be throughout eternity your devoted momma
| Justin DeSha-Overcash on the left with a fellow alumni of the University of Maryland [College Park] Observatory. |
Monday, August 26, 2013
A momma's view on societies ignorance!
When I woke this morning I began to realize
why I am experiencing such emotional turmoil; school is starting. Yes,
another school year is beginning. I did not have the opportunity to see
Justin outside of his comfort zone of academia. I never
had the opportunity to see Justin walk the stage to receive his [hard
earned] and well-deserved diplomas. Justin was awarded his college
diploma posthumously. As I have from the time Justin entered
kindergarten I will, every fall, ready my son for another school year.
Justin had confided in me during his junior year in college, "momma I really wanted to have a career in Astronomy but they do not make any money." Sadly this world, along with social pressures, breaks so many hearts. With all of his knowledge, and his years of hard work, Justin realized he would be forced to choose a position to make 'money' [so he could LIVE] over being able to choose what his heart desired. Money held no meaning for Justin he simply wanted to pursue his scholastic dreams; as do so many young adults. But we live in a time of [everything costs TOO much] and Justin like so many [in his shoes] felt pressured to conform as a means to an end; he understood all too well that he would have to choose a degree which would afford him a life in our OVERPRICED world. Justin has a degree in Astronomy and DOES NOT need any money. Thank you society from the bottom of my heart! [yes this is disgust and rhetoric on my part.]
I am the only person in [my particular place] I [and only I] understand [exactly] what my 'driving force' is and this force has driven me my entire life. I cannot purport to know what drives others I know only what drives me. I do not speculate on what drives others as this would be an impossible [waste of time]. I make no apologies for an inner driving force that kept me grounded as a teen, young adult and adult; then everything was turned upside down on January 11, 2011 at 4:27 PM when the sheriff's knocked on my door.....
Evil entered Justin's life that day and everything I thought was truth, everything I "believed in" as a human being, adult and American citizen I found to be UNTRUE. Am I angry, sometimes, mostly at myself for not being there to protect Justin, for not knowing the depth to which people will go to protect their own asses. I am Justin's momma I had always protected him from harm. I sit for hours thinking I [should have] told Justin about guns. Why for GOD'S sake would I attempt to discuss a topic with Justin about which I know nothing? We both fight with words; not guns or fists. I [should have] told Justin about [evil]. How could I share information about a topic which I had never encountered? I look for the 'good' in everyone; as did Justin. I [should have]........
Those, of you, who have known me for decades, years or even months know I am Karen DeSha, Justin DeSha-Overcash's momma, I say what I think; I always have and I always will. This senseless and horrid tragedy that took Justin in such an unbelievable manner blind sided me and took my life source knocking me to my knees and this is alright, too. I will stay on my knees until I am able to stand; and if I cannot stand again this too, is alright. I cannot [and will not] apologize for having a heart filled with strength and passion for those I love. I am who I am; but now I am broken. It happens....move on, closure, times heals, everything will get better in time???....NONE of these words mean anything to me and bring me no solace; this too is alright. I have never been one to buckle under social pressures and I am sure not going to start now. As I always have I will continue to live my life my way and if I grieve for Justin and 'pine' for his presence for the remainder of my life this is my business and my business alone.
There is no cure or medication for grief and bereavement; if you have not lost a child [and believe me when I say I hope you have not and never will] please allow me to live each day, step by step, tear by tear, in my own way; this is my path to walk unhindered by others thoughts or words. God bless and keep each of you....I am [and remain] Justin's momma [Love you my star gazer.]
Justin had confided in me during his junior year in college, "momma I really wanted to have a career in Astronomy but they do not make any money." Sadly this world, along with social pressures, breaks so many hearts. With all of his knowledge, and his years of hard work, Justin realized he would be forced to choose a position to make 'money' [so he could LIVE] over being able to choose what his heart desired. Money held no meaning for Justin he simply wanted to pursue his scholastic dreams; as do so many young adults. But we live in a time of [everything costs TOO much] and Justin like so many [in his shoes] felt pressured to conform as a means to an end; he understood all too well that he would have to choose a degree which would afford him a life in our OVERPRICED world. Justin has a degree in Astronomy and DOES NOT need any money. Thank you society from the bottom of my heart! [yes this is disgust and rhetoric on my part.]
I am the only person in [my particular place] I [and only I] understand [exactly] what my 'driving force' is and this force has driven me my entire life. I cannot purport to know what drives others I know only what drives me. I do not speculate on what drives others as this would be an impossible [waste of time]. I make no apologies for an inner driving force that kept me grounded as a teen, young adult and adult; then everything was turned upside down on January 11, 2011 at 4:27 PM when the sheriff's knocked on my door.....
Evil entered Justin's life that day and everything I thought was truth, everything I "believed in" as a human being, adult and American citizen I found to be UNTRUE. Am I angry, sometimes, mostly at myself for not being there to protect Justin, for not knowing the depth to which people will go to protect their own asses. I am Justin's momma I had always protected him from harm. I sit for hours thinking I [should have] told Justin about guns. Why for GOD'S sake would I attempt to discuss a topic with Justin about which I know nothing? We both fight with words; not guns or fists. I [should have] told Justin about [evil]. How could I share information about a topic which I had never encountered? I look for the 'good' in everyone; as did Justin. I [should have]........
Those, of you, who have known me for decades, years or even months know I am Karen DeSha, Justin DeSha-Overcash's momma, I say what I think; I always have and I always will. This senseless and horrid tragedy that took Justin in such an unbelievable manner blind sided me and took my life source knocking me to my knees and this is alright, too. I will stay on my knees until I am able to stand; and if I cannot stand again this too, is alright. I cannot [and will not] apologize for having a heart filled with strength and passion for those I love. I am who I am; but now I am broken. It happens....move on, closure, times heals, everything will get better in time???....NONE of these words mean anything to me and bring me no solace; this too is alright. I have never been one to buckle under social pressures and I am sure not going to start now. As I always have I will continue to live my life my way and if I grieve for Justin and 'pine' for his presence for the remainder of my life this is my business and my business alone.
There is no cure or medication for grief and bereavement; if you have not lost a child [and believe me when I say I hope you have not and never will] please allow me to live each day, step by step, tear by tear, in my own way; this is my path to walk unhindered by others thoughts or words. God bless and keep each of you....I am [and remain] Justin's momma [Love you my star gazer.]
| My beautiful son on the left; with a towel on his head [?] which reminds me of a court jester of old | ! |
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Medically Misdiagnosed AGAIN!!!!
August 9, 2013
Karen L. DeSha
RE: Pursuant to my Park Ridge Hospital
ER visit on August 8, 2013 seeking treatment for chronic symptoms
associated with Tick bites.
Dear Hospital Administrator;
In speaking to the Park Ridge
Infectious Disease office on Thursday August 8, 2013 it was their
medical opinion that due to the severity of my symptoms I should go
to the ER immediately. Their hope was that if I went to the Park
Ridge ER I could be admitted for intense testing in an attempt to
resolve a two year, and one month old, physically debilitating
nightmare.
A 'young' ER P.A. approached the door
of the room in which I had been placed, never even placing one foot
over the threshold, he asked, “Have you been in the north?” I
replied, “no.” He replied, “Then you do not have Lyme it is
only in the North.” Continuing on, this 'young' P.A. informed my
mother and I that he knows everything about Lyme because he is a
native of Pennsylvania. This is indeed an exceptional 'young'
PA; that he can diagnose a patient and assess they do not have Lyme
Disease by looking at them [from outside the room] and asking a
location query to ascertain said diagnosis is truly a remarkable
gift! **[male P.A., dressed in navy blue scrubs, sand blond hair,
orthodontic braces on his teeth, from Pennsylvania]. I will not
forget, but I will forgive, his sneering glare. In an attempt [on my
part] to walk toward him so he could see that I was in
excruciating pain. I collapsed to floor because I am so physically
weak. Instead of doing what any medical staff would have done he
said, “Well, that was drama.” ; NO he
did not assist me in returning to a standing position or even offer.
This 'young' P.A. walked away without a word and my 80 year old
mother had to assist me from the floor back to the chair!
North Carolina is [and has been
for decades] a retirement area, and vacation haven, for Northerns
who, unknowingly, transport Lyme diseased ticks to our home state.
How do I know this to be fact; I am a thirty year licensed NC real
estate Land Agent. I
have walked NC wooded lots [from ¼ acre to 8 acres
for thirty years]! This is not my first encounter with TICKS, or
chiggers, or spiders, or snakes, or deer, or any other indigenous
species of four legged wildlife in NC. This is also not my first
encounter with the CDC; the CDC diagnosed me in 1997 with 'Tick
Fever'; adding I have a heightened sensitivity the bite [saliva] of
ticks. The CDC determined my heightened sensitivity is more than
likely due to having been bitten more times, by ticks, than I can
recall.
*****Diagnosed Lyme Cases in
North Carolina for 2012 is 127. Lyme Disease is one of the most
difficult diseases to diagnosis because patients exhibit so many
different symptoms.
The 'young' P.A. spoke to my mother and
I as if we were imbecilic hillbillies; I am old enough to be this
child's mother and my mother is old enough to be his grandmother. He
treated us disrespectfully, unprofessionally, condescendingly,
immaturely, uncaring and like many northern transplants [down
right RUDE.] I would seriously suggest he read a book, or
possibly four, on “How to Develop and Strengthen Social Skills
and Use Them In the Workplace” to assist him in dealing with
the public; I will be more than happy to recommend a few titles.
Please enlighten and educate this
'young' P.A.; I have enclosed, for his reading pleasure, CDC
statistics from 2002 through 2012 and articles about Lyme Disease in
the South. This documentation completely contradicts this 'young'
P.A.'s knowledge of Lyme Disease and where one can [and cannot]
contract this horribly debilitating disease. Hopefully this
critically and most pertinent information will allow this 'young'
P.A. to understand LYME Disease is a scourge in the entirety of North
America; including the Southern States [and oh my God North Carolina,
in fact, IS on the list]!
Many Northerns do not know how to speak
to Southerners or how to treat us; how do I know this to be truth? I
am a native of North Carolina born in St Joseph's Hospital; I was a
resident of Maryland from 1974 through 1989 and also a resident of
Pennsylvania from 2002 through 2007.
***The biggest obstacle my former
husband encountered, during our 2002 – 2007 PA transfer, was having
to train all of the inside [telephone] sales personnel [all PA
natives] how to speak to and treat Southerners!
After the bizarre encounter with the
'young' PA my mother and I decided to leave; we were walking out of
the doorway when the 'young' PA returned with a doctor. The PA never
acknowledged my mother nor me and quickly walked down the hallway.
He gave NO apology for his unconscionable behavior and treatment of
an ill patient. The doctor called to us to wait; my initial meeting
with Dr. Howard, III. He asked if we could go back to the room sit
down and talk. We returned to the room, he closed the door, sat down
and actually talked with me about everything I have been through in
an attempt to find a correct diagnosis. I told Dr. Howard, III I was
just going to go home; my mother immediately said, “No you are not
going home until we know what is wrong.” Dr. Howard, III got up
and gently hugged my mom and said, “Thanks mom!”
I did not meet Dr. Howard, III until 45
minutes prior to his 13 hour shift ending; I should have come to the
ER sooner. I was at home wasting valuable time in an attempt to
convince myself [for the one millionth time over the past two years]
“this” is all in my head. Yes, it is in my head the pain in my
cranium generates down the entire left side of my body; difficulty
for medical personnel to detect a pulse in my left wrist, numbness,
tingling, loss of blood flow, a sense [as if something] is crawling
on my left leg, I cannot raise my left leg, nor my left arm, the
lymph node behind my ear is [and has been] swollen [including while I
have been taking Doxycycline for six weeks], I am becoming weaker and
exhibiting new symptoms that now accompany symptoms I have had since
mid-June 2011. I have four Doxycycline pills remaining from a 30 day
treatment yet my symptoms are worsening.
The end result. Dr. David Rollins came
on shift and spoke with me pursuant to a discussion with Dr. Howard,
III, before he left the hospital. Dr. Rollins asked me to fill him
in with more details. By the time of our meeting I was so exhausted
I had difficulty expressing myself; let alone in detail. These are
the events that I recall, with clarity, when Dr. Rollins took over my
patient file:
- Dr. Rollins communicated to me that it is not possible that I have had Lyme since 2011; even though my symptoms have remained the same and as of Monday [07/2013] I have begun to experience new symptoms~drooping of my left eye, left facial twitching, excruciating cranial pain and severe neurological problems. **There are hundreds of documented cases of Lyme Disease being misdiagnosed or undiagnosed in patients from months to decades.
- ***Dr. Rollins' added that I have not been having seizures so I do not have Lyme. Wouldn't it be wonderful, for everyone working in the medical field and patients, too, if every patient FIT the profile symptoms for every disease known today? Well patients don't always fit the profile; ergo, they suffer long term side effects from undiagnosed illnesses and sometimes they die.
- My diagnosis? Dr. Rollins' said [quote un quote] “Nothing is making sense. So go to your appointment with Park Ridge Infectious Disease on August 20th.” Yes that was my diagnosis word for word; he added, “I know you're angry with me.” I replied, “No I do not get angry I guess you have done all you can do. So get a nurse to remove the IV and discharge me so I can go home.” I stated this sentence twice; because Dr. Rollins' [I believe] was concerned but on the ER floor he did not have the time to work with me. Yet Dr. Rollins insisted I could not possibly have Lyme because I have not had a seizure [?]. Needless to say my mother is very upset that her only daughter was sent home with a diagnosis of, “Nothing is making sense.”
- I may or may not have Lyme; however, the reality is I am extremely ILL and conclusive testing sometimes takes several attempts; all I was asking for was HELP.
I am NOT saying Dr. Rollins' is not a
kind and caring ER physician but not every patient fits “the
profile” symptoms thus causing many to suffer with lengthy
illnesses until a doctor really [looks, listens, actually comprehends
and is curious why a normally healthy person is suffering so]. I
understand this takes time, too much time for an ER doctor who is
dealing with patients 'coding'. It is only my opinion but my mother
and I both feel Dr. Rollins should have followed through with Dr.
Howard, III's decision to admit me.
I came to Park Ridge because I was
treated in this hospital in 1991 and remembered the kind care and the
doctors patience and medical expertise. I guess a lot has changed in
twenty one years; although, I would have thought the medical
treatment and caring of patients, seeking help, would have remained
the same! I remain undiagnosed and unable to care for myself or
perform daily house hold tasks. I will be seeing the Park Ridge ICD
doctor on August 20, 2013 at 10 AM; until this date I have no idea
what to do other than lay in my bed in excruciating pain.
It is my opinion the PA should hand
write apology notes to my mother and me. In America's economic
struggle I wish no one to loose their job. But I do expect a person
WHO HAS A JOB [in whatever industry they have chosen] to perform
their job description to the highest standards; they are the faces
that represent your hospital's reputation.
Please express my thanks to Dr. Howard
for his concern and decisiveness, Dr. Rollins for trying to
understand and deal with my lengthy list of symptoms when he [really]
needed to be with more seriously ill patients. I graciously thank
the attending nurse, she is wonderful [a real 'mover and shaker'].
Your hospital must be proud to have medical personnel of this caliber
in your ER.
Thanking you for your time and
consideration.
Karen L. DeSha
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