Justin's 26th Heavenly Happy Birthday

My Hand In Your Hand Son

My most favorite memory of a Justin consistent 'gesture of love' through my eyes:

I love Justin with what remains of my heart, as you all know, so very much. So much that many times I do not speak of my wonderful gift from God in past tense simply because I feel Justin's presence with me all of the time. It is fine with me if you believe or disbelieve my statement; I know what I have seen and felt since Justin's death and these moments have been moving, unexplainable and undeniable!

When Justin was a baby I marveled at how tiny [6 lbs 71/2 ozs] yet perfectly shaped and beautiful he was. As a toddler I found it amazing how soft his skin was especially his hands when he firmly took hold of mine when crossing the street or for other reasons which required his safety. He touched my face so gently, caressing my cheek and telling me how soft my face felt; no softer than his tiny hand against my skin felt!

So many times throughout each year he would occasionally stop me, ask me to hold up my right hand, lay his hand against mine and check to see if his hand was growing! This occurred so many times year after years and yes Justin's hand grew and grew. Then one fateful day Justin held his hand up to mine and our hands were finally the same size.

Justin's hand 1992 4 years old day care in Charlotte, NC

Justin was overjoyed with excitement; yet for me his excitement was bittersweet. For as his mother I knew another chapter had ended and Justin would soon no longer be a child.

Even though this change was inevitable and coming too quickly from elementary school all the way through Justin's junior year in high school I would wait for him outside the school every afternoon. Justin sauntered unhurriedly to the Durango, opened the rear passenger door, tossed in his 190 lb. book bag, slammed the door, opened the front passenger door, jumped in, smiled that beautiful 'DeSha' smile and would say "how you been doin' today momma?" Then he'd lay his left forearm on the center arm rest, palm up, and I would lay my right hand, palm down in his hand, and this is how we drove home every day discussing the days events. [I KID YOU NOT] This is one of my many most wondrous of so many joyous Justin memories!

I miss my son because we truly had a special bond. All parents have special bonds yet Justin's bond gave me my first sense of completeness. My bond with Justin, my son, is like no bond I had ever had with another human being. As I have said on numerous occasions; "I gave Justin my whole heart and he never hurt it; not even ONCE!"

I love you and miss you and no one can take your place my bunny boy...your [devoted and proud] momma

LOVE Your LIVING Children

A quote for the parents I read posts on fb complaining about their LIVING children on a daily basis.

YES YOU HEARD ME CORRECTLY! COMPLAINING ABOUT YOUR LIVING CHILDREN ON A DAILY BASIS!

Try talking to your children instead of BEHIND their BACKS or screaming in their faces!  This could be WHY they do not TRUST YOU!!

“Your kids require you most of all to love them for who they are, not to spend your whole time trying to correct them.”
― Bill Ayers

I never [NEVER] spoke ILL OF MY JUSTIN [EVER]!!  This is NOT what loving parents do!  This is what immature people do and then the cycle begins and their children do this to their children and so on ans so on and so on!

Honestly, I cannot tolerate parents speaking ugly about their children!  Where exactly are these children supposed to find SUPPORT, ENCOURAGEMENT, COMPASSION, and UNDERSTANDING? 

Oh I am sure YOU ALL were the epitome of ANGELS when YOU were young...I am gong to go toss my cookies NOW!

Parents [and you know of whom I speak] GROW THE 'F' UP AND STOP ACTING SO SANCTIMONIOUSLY IGNORANT and PERFECT!

TRY TELLING YOUR CHILDREN THE TRUTH ABOUT YOUR CHILDHOOD, TEEN YEARS, YOUNG ADULT YEARS, ETC.  I DARE YOU!!  I TOLD JUSTIN EVERYTHING BECAUSE TRUTH IS CONSTANT!

I am Justin's [TELLING IT LIKE IT TRULY IS] momma

Ten Quotes on Compassion

 Compassion

com·pas·sion

kəmˈpaSHən/

noun

noun: compassion; plural noun: compassions

1. 1.

   sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.

   "the victims should be treated with compassion"

   synonyms:

   pity, sympathy, empathy, fellow feeling, care, concern, solicitude, sensitivity, warmth, love, tenderness, mercy, leniency, tolerance, kindness, humanity, charity "have you no compassion for a fellow human being?"

   antonyms:

   indifference, cruelty

Origin

Middle English: via Old French from ecclesiastical Latin compassio(n-), from compati ‘suffer with.’

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QUOTES of Compassion

“The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive.”
― John Green, Looking for Alaska

“Only the development of compassion and understanding for others can bring us the tranquility and happiness we all seek.”
― Dalai Lama XIV

 “No one has ever become poor by giving.”
― Anne Frank, diary of Anne Frank 

“I don't want to live in the kind of world where we don't look out for each other. Not just the people that are close to us, but anybody who needs a helping hand. I cant change the way anybody else thinks, or what they choose to do, but I can do my bit.”
― Charles de Lint

“How would your life be different if…You stopped making negative judgmental assumptions about people you encounter? Let today be the day…You look for the good in everyone you meet and respect their journey.”
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

“It is easy enough to be friendly to one's friends. But to befriend the one who regards himself as your enemy is the quintessence of true religion. The other is mere business.”
― Mahatma Gandhi 

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”
― Leo Buscaglia

“Courage. Kindness. Friendship. Character. These are the qualities that define us as human beings, and propel us, on occasion, to greatness.”
― R.J. Palacio, Wonder 

“One love, one heart, one destiny.”
  ― Bob Marley  


“Your kids require you most of all to love them for who they are, not to spend your whole time trying to correct them.”
― Bill Ayers 


I am Justin's momma

A Valentine from My Son In Heaven

 A Valentine from My Son In Heaven

     I know the attached photograph of space was downloaded onto this computer by my son Justin.  Currently [I am using Justin's computer]. I have been using Justin's computer since mine 'bit the dust' about 8 months ago. 

     Last night, February 15, 2014, this photograph suddenly appeared on the desktop! I personally [haven't seen this photograph the entire 8 months]?

     Pardon me if I prefer to revel in the fact that this beautiful creation of gas and debris [in my eyes] resembles a heart, the coloring is beautifully tinted pink and only one day has passed since Valentines...

     Happy Heavenly Valentine's Baby~I love and miss you honey, Justin's [wistful] momma 

CORRECTION!!!! 

     When I typed "I know this is something Justin put on here..." I hope the readers understood I meant he downloaded the photo of space on his computer prior to his passing! I do not believe Justin downloaded this photo last night! I'm not that far 'out there' yet!

      It was just such a coincidence to see this phenomenal photograph for the first time last night!  Seriously, to my eyes I see a heart [probably because I want to so badly] and probably because Valentines day just passed for the FOURTH time with me hear nothing from my beautiful son...no matter what the reason...I still see a heart and I feel love.

      What ever the reason, even if it is just coincidence, I appreciate the beauty of this particular grouping of dust, gases and debris somewhere way out there in the universe that made me gasp in awe, my heart swell and feel love still from my son in Heaven, Justin DeSha-Overcash.

Justin's [I really love my son] momma 

Justin's Third Heavenly Anniversary

Today, January 11, 2014, Justin DeSha-Overcash has been absent from all of our lives for three very long years. Oddly; like everything else in this world it seems almost like 'yesterday'. I do not like that Justin is gone; no I do not like it one bit.

“As my sufferings mounted I soon realized that there were two ways in which I could respond to my situation -- either to react with bitterness or seek to transform the suffering into a creative force. I decided to follow the latter course.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.

Decades ago I prayed to the Lord that during my life on this planet all I wished to know ~ [was true love and true happiness] and HE gifted me with Justin. Justin taught me true love, patience, joy, to put others before myself and his mere presence in my life gave me the greatest happiness I have ever known [or will ever know until we meet again].

I know that no amount of praying, wishing, begging, bartering or thoughts of penance will bring Justin home. I still find great difficulty in coming to grips that Justin's presence, love, hugs, laughter, kindness, gentle nature and friendship could be taken away.

Life is empty and this is okay. Life is tedious and this is okay. Life is not fun any longer...this too is okay. I had a blast for 32 years and then I had Justin in my life for the next 22 years and I had no idea life could get even better! So I am truly much better off than some people who have never known love and happiness; even if I never find either again.

Justin and I remain connected with an unseen [cord]; if you do not believe my words that is fine. However, I know that Justin watches over me to protect me from the harshest reality of human actions.

Babe I really miss you, I know you're aware I talk to you all of the time! I so desperately wish things had not happened as they did honey....I wish nothing had happened at all....just our typical boring, uneventful life, aw Babe.....

I remain Justin's [loving, devoted and sad] momma throughout time and space I'll look for you among the stars Honey!

My Beautiful Son~Justin

A letter to Justin February 2011

Dear Justin;

I wanted to tell you honey how proud I am of you and the way you chose to lead your short lived life.  Justin you never did anything which I feel the least bit of shame; what kind of momma would I be if I showed this emotion toward my child.  What I know of you I am grateful and joyful; what I do not I need not know. Know one will ever know everything about everyone they know in their lifetime.

Justin you worked so hard and carried so more on your young shoulders.  Although this never seemed to phase you; challenges are your penchants.  You never let anyone know if you were down or unwell [including me].  I know this for a fact as I too have the same characteristic in my personality. 

Thank you son for all the wonderful moments we shared, your unconditional love, your acceptance of my flaws, the care & respect you gave me, the laughter you shared, the talks about ideals, showing me the stars, making me humble, always knowing when something was wrong with me and bringing me more joy in my life than I have ever known or will ever know again.

I know you float among space and the stars in awe of the answers to questions the rest of us will know in time.  I can not express in words what an honor to be your momma.  I  know I will see you again and oh what joy I will have on this day. 

God rest your youthful soul and please watch over us until we meet again.

My beautiful love, my son. my constant, my friend; you accepted me and everyone exactly the way we are...thank you honey for not judging.

I love you with all my heart honey, momma.

Justin [almost 2 years old] snacking, relaxing and watching TV in Horse Shoe, NC 1990.

Justin Found a Way to Fit In

One Smart Child

Justin Story Age 16 months old; Justin's first experience with a candy bar! This memory is so vividly etched on my mind it is as if this joyful moment occurred yesterday. I chose to give Justin a piece of a Kit Kat; I decided this would be a perfect proportion. He grasped it in his little fist and without hesitation bit off the part of the candy bar exposed above his clenched fist. As I watched him chewing his eyes began to grow bigger; Justin liked the candy bar. I asked if I could have a bite and he pointed to his fist and shook his head, 'no' indicating there was none left for me to bite. I pointed to the bottom of his fist where there, exposed, was about a 1/2 inch of Kit Kat. Justin turned his fist, looked at this morsel, bit it off and pointing he shook his head, 'no' again indicating there was none left for me to bite!! hahaha Justin was already able to analyze and come up with a solution thus allowing me NO candy!! This is the night I decided to give Justin his own drawer in the kitchen; Justin's "Candy Drawer". This allowed us the simplistic solution of never having to 'child proof' the kitchen or house for that matter. Not saying this would work with all children but it did with Justin....never did he open any other drawers or cabinets. Why would he; he had his own drawer! I love you honey...in my minds eye I can see you as clearly as if I had returned in time to this precious moment. I remain Justin's momma

Chocolate FACE!  Westminster, MD Justin's first home!  He resided here from May 6,1988 through August 1989.

Sorry I digress; you didn't even know there was a purpose for this newest blog!  A whole 'nother story and this is not it!  Although it did make me smile remembering this night I wish you could have seen him bite the other end of the Kit Kay bar and then point and shake his head; classic move!!
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Going back to 2002.....Relocating to PA from NC.....It is my personal belief, as a Southerner, when one leaves the South for the North they should be issued a Green Card! bahahahha

Okay so here goes I am now ready to share the real story I felt compelled to type as it does not seem to want to go away from my memory.  I share them, with whomever finds them of interest or learns something from the sequence of events [now past], then I can move to another level in my sad attempt to understand this surreal and bittersweet journey [like too many others] I find myself on.

[Just a footnote when we relocated, to Pa to reside for four years, the first grocery store visit [Ginuardi's] took Justin and me almost 4 hours!  There were products there neither one of us had ever seen in our lives and we were both so curious we had a great time!] 

From first grade through eighth grade Justin attended elementary [Overton] and middle [Knox] in Salisbury, NC.  Salisbury, located in the Piedmont region of NC, is rarely very cold.  One can grow some types of flora 12 months a year [most years] as the climate rarely calls for more than layered light jackets.  Salisbury, NC a truly beautiful and friendly city to visit with many Historical sites of interest to see. 

Salisbury NC
Justin with his cuzes at Knox Middle school; Justin's love football
one sport where everyone must work together as a team!

For decades many Northerners have relocated to the southern states for the kinder climate and for a less stressful lifestyle.  The opposite though is true of Southerners; rarely does a born and bred Southerner relocate north!  Um,we did; when we relocated from Salisbury, NC to Chalfont PA, for us, it was like moving to another country! 

Counties, Townships, Borrows, [I felt like some type of underground animal], school taxes; this is all very confusing to a southerner?  Different foods, colloquialisms, attitudes, everyone always in a hurry, everyone blaming everyone else, everyone speaking in a very loud voice [they considered] normal?

[Another footnote Justin's first introduction to a Hogie did not go very well!]

Justin, a ninth grader, started attending Unami Middle School; when I picked him up on his first day
I asked, "So how was it?" He looked straight ahead, never skipping a beat, he factually stated, "Momma I'm going to get caucasaphobia!" I thought I was going to fall out of the car I was laughing so hard. How he came up with such hysterically funny insights is beyond me.  Justin always noticed things others either did not notice or simply chose to ignore.  [The later being the true reality of most people lacking interest in this world!] 

[Footnote Justin did not understand why the PA teachers did not stand at the classroom doors and greet the students in the morning like the teachers in NC??]

Unami had just under 1,000 students from 7th, 8th and 9th grades~0nly 8 student alumnus were African American~Black.  These few students and Justin became fast friends; he treated them differently from the local students.  Justin had a couple of hurtful and hateful altercations for which I called and informed the school, "If ya'll cannot straighten this out I'll be more than happy, too!"  I believe I added something to the effect of "tearing down the school one brick at a time with my bear hands is not a stretch"!  Yes this sounds exactly like me and I meant every word!  They got it straightened out pronto!  There are times in life, "NICE don't feed the Bull dog!!"  They knew I am southern, they knew I spoke like a hillbilly, they did not know I possess an IQ above 130 and was as protective of Justin as a momma bear.  I have always found it most interesting that so many Northerners believe Southerners to be illiterate; even comparing us to the 1960's TV sit-com "Mayberry".  This was [one] of the main reasons behind my call to Unami; students were bullying Justin and calling him illiterate.  Justin was taught to be the "bigger person" so he would not boast of his high IQ and his scholastic accomplishments; HOWEVER, I will! 

[Footnote Justin wanted to know why the PA students thought he was illiterate because he came from the South?]

Oh now do not get me wrong my boasting about Justin's scholastic prowess aggravated him to no end and he would always whisper to me, "momma why do you always tell people about my school; don't do that!"  I would answer with the same comment, "aw Honey I am just so proud of you; if I had been half as focused as you growing up who knows where I could be."  Then Justin would just laugh knowingly; as if he did understand this was part of his mommas love and pride that he maintained his focus and had not allowed outside influences to take his [eye] off his goals.  He still did not like that I spoke of his accomplishments; he preferred no one know his grades.  Justin decided in elementary if his anyone knew about his grades they might not like him.          

Parents receiving notes from school?  Imagine how embarrassing, for us as parents, to receive a note Justin's first year attending Unami middle in PA asking us, "Could you please see that your son is properly clothed for the climate?"  WHOA!  Unaccustomed to this harsher, colder, windy climate Justin was shivering, his extremities visually red enduring standing outside during Health/PE trying to be like the other guys!

Justin properly attired for the colder elements!!  Look at that DeSha smile...wow!

In February 2003 [while residing in PA] Justin came home one afternoon concerned that his middle school [Unami] was not observing "Black History Month".  Justin asked if I would please call the school on this matter.  Of course I called the school; I too wanted to know why there was no mention of "Black History Month".  Oh I already knew the answer I just wanted to see them squirm; hey I have a [dark side!]  So many Black Doctors, Scientists, Physicists, Mathematicians, Engineers, Historians, Educators, Actors, Composers, Musicians, Directors, Writers, Poets, I can go on and on with the many contributions by men and women not being recognized.  When Justin ask me a question and I do not know the answer I do research to attain the answer; what I found was bigotry.

[Footnote the principal at Unami ask me if I had his permission to explain to Justin why Unami did not observe "Black History Month?"  My response, "Go ahead but keep in mind Justin is brilliant; but possesses my personality."  When Justin got in the car that afternoon I said, "Honey did the principal talk with you?"  He said, almost in a questioning tone, "Yeah momma but he kept talking about *"Ellis Island Day". * A whole 'nother blog!!  OMG!  You will never believe what this school representative said to my son and me!  I still shudder to think folks like this have a job molding young minds!] 

All of the new young folks Justin encountered had known each other for decades; the same statistic Justin had left in NC!  Being the new kid, like Justin, though is not an easy task; so painfully shy he really had to learn how to break out of his shell first.  Because Justin does not see color it took some time for many of the PA students to understand and appreciate Justin's compassion and kindness toward everyone.  He slowly began to make a few friends; however, it would take time to meet anyone he felt comfortable enough to spend a lot of time around outside of the school experience or the occasional Saturday afternoon movie.  For a little over two years Justin mainly stayed in the basement studying and finally the day came.

My concern for Justin how to make friends; lasting friends?  Who knew all it would take was the right person to hear Justin utter "ya'll"?  Thank God for Rob Campbell [a well known and well liked student a year older] who introduced Justin to everyone and showed him the ropes!  Not to mention the many lessons of independence and leadership sunk in so much better than I [had] hoped, the lessons in diffusing altercations verbally~excellent!

Everyone packed and ready to leave for their respective colleges from PA.  Lasting friends/Cuzes/brothers/sisters.

[Diffuse the situation verbally by calming your foe; precisely what Justin was attempting to do the day he was murdered; however; Justin had not learned one cannot rationalize with an irrational [spawn of satin, yes I typed this] being.]

The career criminal was wearing an ankle monitor he rec'd 22 days before cold bloodily murdering Justin for a Felony II Handgun Charge in DC.  The murderer was NOT supposed to be released until his trial date 13 days AFTER HE MURDERED Justin.  The murderer was also on a parole violation for a 2009 charge he committed in the county in which he MURDERED Justin.  Not once but TWICE this murderer just waiting to HAPPEN was supposed to be JAILED!  

[Footnote THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE for the harm and heinously cowardice act that befell my beautiful son and the life long mental and emotional destruction heaped upon Justin's family and friends!]

Justin's genetic make-up is innate; I have watched him evolve since birth.  Justin is competitive but not a bully, strong but not self absorbed, independent but compassionate, persevering but places others before his own needs.  He has respect for others, empathy for others, and a true love of people and all that surrounds him in nature and the sky.  He is loyal to societal morals and ethics.

Justin and Luke on 38th Avenue College Park; I had taken Justin to a dr appt and we stopped by my rental home and picked up Luke for a ride.  Justin was laughing so hard and loudly when Luke got into the car. he had never seen Luke's riding [preparedness regime] in action!

 

During the next four years Justin would point out many differences, between NC and PA, until his high school graduation date in June 2006.  I am so proud Justin possessed the flexibility and maturity one needs to change your entire life [as you knew it] yet continue to learn, grow scholastically and ultimately succeed.  These four years, in PA, showed me everything I needed to know about my son; Justin would succeed in life without much difficulty.  He'd 'roll with the punches' and 'if he got knocked down' he wouldn't be down long.  He possessed a resilience and strength of attitude and was 'always up for the challenge.' He would not be intimidated; he was happy, worked hard and was destined to have a good life.  Justin could see the bigger picture and knew "in the scheme of things there were so many things that do not matter."

My SON!

Early on Justin foresaw the use of physics, not just in his scholastic aptitude, but in his everyday life and always had back-up plans!  I never saw Justin scholastically unprepared; he truly loved learning and expanding his mind as much as athletes love practicing and prepping for a game.

Justin at the corner of Campus and University[UMd College Park, MD] Justin's Almata [Grad 2011]

Justin played sports, musical instruments, composed music and consistently came up with entrepreneurial [small business] opportunities that were fresh, exciting and challenging.  Justin was thinking all of the time and he enjoyed many interests.  In my opinion, Justin lived more in his short 22 years than many live in an entire life time....he used every minute wisely!  Do you?

'Better times' Justin and Goofy [not pictured CJ] at Disney World celebrating Justin's 13th Birthday!

Son I miss you so very deeply the pain is real; the day you left I felt something being physically ripped from my body.  Something important, something I needed to survive in this world; YOU!  I love you honey.  I am and will remain [love you bigger than the universe] your momma

Five arduous months without your presence...

Dear Justin;

Today you have been physically missing from our lives for five extremely long and emotionally charged months honey. Odd how just a short year ago we were on the phone constantly; remember babe your broken tooth our major conversation topic. I felt your pain and was so helpless then in my attempts to offer you solace. Then it was just your tooth and now in light of all that has occurred this was so insignificant but we could not see this at the time. With great certainty I can say had we a glimpse of what the future held we would have been more concerned with the time we had left. But life is strange like this....what we see or feel as inconceivable in one moment of our lives can quickly be surmounted by a more significantly devastating moment. Thank you for being such a wonderfully loving and caring son.

I WANT MY SON BACK.