My letter to Justin 10.19.1988

Saturday March 15, 2014

Yes it's 5:06 AM as I begin to type and I am still awake. WIDE AWAKE! Odd the night flew by; then again this began happening after Justin had to go home. I look at the clock and it's 11:00 PM the next time I look it's 3:48 AM and I truly feel as if very little time has passed? This has been one of those nights...Y-A-Y!

Justin Letter October 19, 1988 [he was 5 months and 18 days]

Dear Justin_

Hello! Just me_You are so wonderful! I really want you to know this_and {yes I keep repeating myself} I love you more than I knew it is possible to love another human being_Enough gushy serious "stuff"! haha!

Today you were rolling around on the dining room floor while I was doing inventory. I guess you grew tired of waiting for me and you rolled over to your bottle, picked it up and finished it!! hahaha I am so proud of you we called your grandma to share this news with her!

It's night now~ you are rolling around on our bedroom floor putting little milk dots everywhere with your bottle! hahaha Gosh knows you look so cute! Now you're rolling around on top of my clean and folded linens and towels that are no longer folded! hahahaha  I love watching you baby.

Honey I hope someday when you read these letters you will understand how much you have changed my life in a very short amount of time....and how much I am enjoying these changes. Justin every minute has been more than worthwhile for me.  Baby I love you beyond words.

Night night, sweet dreams Justin, I love you, I'll see you in the morning. 

Justin September 1988, gosh knows he loved grabbin' handfuls of hair and it didn't matter whose!

I wrote Justin so many letters I began to use journals.  No he never got to read any of these tokens I kept for him and had decided to gift to Justin for his graduation from college May 2011.  Sadly he was tragically and heinously murdered four months and approximately two weeks before he was to walk the stage for all of his decades of scholastic diligence and determination.  

Justin received his diploma posthumously as the day he was senselessly murdered he possessed 176 credits ~ a 'B' in Quantum Physics and this is whom we lost.  Not the CAREER CRIMINAL who shot Justin TWICE at point blank range without any emotion or remorse or human compassion. 

I remain Justin's [I truly do want my son back] momma

Justin Wanted to Save the World

As a mother-to-be I had listened to other parents stories and truly did not know what to expect prior to Justin's birth.

The first realization after becoming a parent is; children don't come with instruction manuals! You experience 'on the job' training at it's best as a parent and to be quite honest at times it can be a bit overwhelming. You will find that you constantly question yourself and your methods while rearing your child to become a positive force as a member of society. Then there are days, the glorious days, you just know all is well with your child and that they are progressing into wonderfully compassionate, strong, intelligent young teenagers preparing for the challenges life offers.

I was lucky Justin was an easy child to raise. He was just a happy person from the very beginning. Justin had focus, depth, caring, a beautiful heart and mind that possessed the ability to notice what others did not. Even when Justin was a young child he had wisdom far beyond his years and passion that was contagious. WOW! His approach over flowed with passion and intrigue when he pursued no matter where his interests lead him.

Watching him, I sometimes found myself, fascinated by Justin's GOD given knowledge which he enhanced through diligence, determination and study. A very old soul in a very young man's body; he could find the most profoundly logical solution to extremely difficult situations.

Justin, a true pacifist, never harmed or hurt anyone [or anything] in his SHORT lifetime. He had no enemies and never held a grudge. When you became Justin's friend, brah, sister it was for life. Whatever the time day or night, whatever the circumstance [I am so proud to say] he always made time to comfort and advise others whom he loves so dearly.

Justin wanted to save the world...He lost his life saving two friends from a gunman instead.

GOD BLESS you my beautiful son. I love and miss you beyond human comprehension....I love and miss you bigger than the universe.....momma 'out' Babe... Infinity + ONE Honey Always

LOVE Your LIVING Children

A quote for the parents I read posts on fb complaining about their LIVING children on a daily basis.

YES YOU HEARD ME CORRECTLY! COMPLAINING ABOUT YOUR LIVING CHILDREN ON A DAILY BASIS!

Try talking to your children instead of BEHIND their BACKS or screaming in their faces!  This could be WHY they do not TRUST YOU!!

“Your kids require you most of all to love them for who they are, not to spend your whole time trying to correct them.”
― Bill Ayers

I never [NEVER] spoke ILL OF MY JUSTIN [EVER]!!  This is NOT what loving parents do!  This is what immature people do and then the cycle begins and their children do this to their children and so on ans so on and so on!

Honestly, I cannot tolerate parents speaking ugly about their children!  Where exactly are these children supposed to find SUPPORT, ENCOURAGEMENT, COMPASSION, and UNDERSTANDING? 

Oh I am sure YOU ALL were the epitome of ANGELS when YOU were young...I am gong to go toss my cookies NOW!

Parents [and you know of whom I speak] GROW THE 'F' UP AND STOP ACTING SO SANCTIMONIOUSLY IGNORANT and PERFECT!

TRY TELLING YOUR CHILDREN THE TRUTH ABOUT YOUR CHILDHOOD, TEEN YEARS, YOUNG ADULT YEARS, ETC.  I DARE YOU!!  I TOLD JUSTIN EVERYTHING BECAUSE TRUTH IS CONSTANT!

I am Justin's [TELLING IT LIKE IT TRULY IS] momma

Ten Quotes on Compassion

 Compassion

com·pas·sion

kəmˈpaSHən/

noun

noun: compassion; plural noun: compassions

1. 1.

   sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.

   "the victims should be treated with compassion"

   synonyms:

   pity, sympathy, empathy, fellow feeling, care, concern, solicitude, sensitivity, warmth, love, tenderness, mercy, leniency, tolerance, kindness, humanity, charity "have you no compassion for a fellow human being?"

   antonyms:

   indifference, cruelty

Origin

Middle English: via Old French from ecclesiastical Latin compassio(n-), from compati ‘suffer with.’

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QUOTES of Compassion

“The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive.”
― John Green, Looking for Alaska

“Only the development of compassion and understanding for others can bring us the tranquility and happiness we all seek.”
― Dalai Lama XIV

 “No one has ever become poor by giving.”
― Anne Frank, diary of Anne Frank 

“I don't want to live in the kind of world where we don't look out for each other. Not just the people that are close to us, but anybody who needs a helping hand. I cant change the way anybody else thinks, or what they choose to do, but I can do my bit.”
― Charles de Lint

“How would your life be different if…You stopped making negative judgmental assumptions about people you encounter? Let today be the day…You look for the good in everyone you meet and respect their journey.”
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

“It is easy enough to be friendly to one's friends. But to befriend the one who regards himself as your enemy is the quintessence of true religion. The other is mere business.”
― Mahatma Gandhi 

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”
― Leo Buscaglia

“Courage. Kindness. Friendship. Character. These are the qualities that define us as human beings, and propel us, on occasion, to greatness.”
― R.J. Palacio, Wonder 

“One love, one heart, one destiny.”
  ― Bob Marley  


“Your kids require you most of all to love them for who they are, not to spend your whole time trying to correct them.”
― Bill Ayers 


I am Justin's momma