Time Does Not Heal a Mother's Heart

Yesterday July 11, 2013 marked two years and six months since Justin went home. My physical pain, my grief, my sorrow, my bereavement, my inexpressible need to hold my child in my arms is NOT lessened. I have no inclination why [anyone] would even think, let alone speak words, pursuant to my pain lessening over time. JUSTIN IS MY CHILD; not my pet, not my wallet, not a tangible piece of memorabilia......JUSTIN was to be my Family's LEGACY. He would have married and produced children to carry on his legacy. So for those who believe I can [or anyone can] in any way recover; I pray this horrible nightmare NEVER happen to your child. Just TRY to put yourself in the shoes of PARENTS OF MURDERED CHILDREN. I remain Justin's loving, pained, walking dead momma. I love you my beautiful son from now throughout eternity.

Justin on the left and [a great friend] Jesse Wimert on the right; Halloween 2009; better times!

UPDATED REWARD FLIER $$$$ CASH REWARD~UP TO $ 15,000.00 $$$$ Leading to ARREST and CONVICTION IN ANNIE McCANN'S DEATH

Subject: ANNIE McCANN [Serious] Investigation
To: "Deanne Rzeczkowski"
Cc: "Mayor" , "Dean Palmere"
Date: Friday, April 19, 2013, 9:23 AM

April 19, 2013

Dear Deanne Rzeczkowski;

I appreciate your email response pursuant to a letter I sent Mayor Rawlings-Blake, dated November 15, 2012, inquiring into the [investigation] involving the murder of Miss Annie McCann [dating back to November 2, 2008].  Having been a resident of Baltimore, MD, for over seventeen years, I am very aware there are many factors involving the high rate of crime Baltimore residents must endure.  I can also say, with conviction, that the BCPD has their hands full; however, by simply going into Perkins Homes and asking questions I am two hundred percent more determined to find the heinous murderer of this beautiful young woman, Miss Annie McCann.

After spending 10 hours, in Perkins Homes, speaking with many wonderfully kind and interested residents I am resigned that Miss McCann was in fact murdered and [dumped] in Perkins Homes.  It took very little time for me to understand that the young men who took Miss McCann's vehicle are just [idiots] of their own life's circumstances.  Certainly, no resident of Perkins Homes [regardless of their lifestyle or background] would have left the body of a Caucasian, middle class, young girl on their "back porch".  Someone [the murderer] brought Miss McCann to Perkins Homes and dumped her like trash.  "They" did this purposefully; "they" knew where Miss McCann's body would be discovered would make a difference in how the case would be handled! 

Over four years is far too long to allow a murderer of children to run the streets of Baltimore City; have they killed other young people?  How did a sixteen year old get into a bar and why would the doorman remember Miss McCann?  Who is the Caucasian male wearing a ball cap and trench coat seen leaving the car?  Why do the multitude of cameras [placed in and around Perkins Homes] show no evidence of this mystery man?  Or if Miss McCann drove herself into the area to [swig] down a half bottle of Bactine how did she avoid all the cameras?  If Miss McCann harmed herself I seriously doubt she would have done so in the parking lot of a SLUM.  Perkins Homes; what a horrible place for human beings to have to live [this is the real HOOD].  If the cameras show nothing of Miss McCann driving into the area; then the murderer knows the placement of the cameras and knew how to avoid being seen entering the area driving Miss McCann's car!  Common sense is the only thing lacking in looking at the horrific circumstances of this cherished and loved child's last moments.

As the McCann's have assured me time and time again; "Karen we know that if the BCPD would just investigate they will find the person [or persons] responsible for murdering our dear Annie."  The McCann's are good people who possess an amazing belief in the BCPD; they believe in your police departments abilities PLEASE do not let them down.   

Please get this murderer off the streets of Baltimore City, allow Miss McCann to receive justice, restoring her honor and religious beliefs.  The McCann's will never know closure; as the parent of a murdered child I know there is no closure.  However, restoring the McCann's faith in mankind and exonerating their sweet daughter [Annie] would allow them to possibly free themselves from the current emotional, physical and mental quagmire in which they have been entrenched since November 2, 2008.  Your department should keep them firmly "in the loop", Annie is their daughter, their child; they must be involved.

Thank you for your time; God bless.

I am Justin's momma

Bereavement isn't a condition that clears up

A poem written by a bereaved ~Unknown~mother who lost her child too soon!  I would like to share her words with all the mothers who have lost their beautiful children; she knows [all too well] how we feel and what we endure from people who mean well but all they really need to say is, "I'm sorry."  I remain Justin's devoted, loving, sad and confused momma ♥

Please, don't ask me if I'm over it yet
I'll never get over it

Please, don't tell me he's in a better place
He's not here with me
 
Please, don't say at least he isn't suffering
I haven't come to terms with why he had to suffer at all
 
Please, don't tell me you know how I feel
Unless you have lost a child
 
Please, don't ask me if I feel better
Bereavement isn't a condition that clears up
 
Please, don't tell me you had him for so many years
What year would you chose for your child to die?
 

• Please, don't tell me God never gives more than we can bear
• Please, just say you are sorry
• Please, just say you remember my child
• Please, just let me talk about my child
• Please mention my child's name
• Please, just let me cry.  

A momma's ramblings when missing her son becomes overwhelming:

A momma's ramblings when missing her son becomes overwhelming:

I had absolutely no knowledge I could even remotely possess the depth of grief I am experiencing; my child, my son, my friend, my rock, gone?  I truly did not want to care so deeply; now I know why.  

Justin filled a place in my heart like no other can ever replace.  His loss evoked every human emotion I possess; literally pulling my heart in every direction at once.  I find it too surreal to actually comprehend the gravity of the horrific act which took him from all of us who need, care and love this exceptional man.  Justin diligently worked and studied in preparation to take flight on his own life’s journey.

Oh, do not misunderstand this loving and imperfect momma; my wonderful son, Justin, suffered from imperfection, too.  Nowhere on this vast planet we call Earth will anyone find a perfect soul. 

I will miss Justin’s mind and those who knew him, like me, understand why I make this statement.   The purity of the workings of his mind may possibly be one of the most revealing traits he has; to sit and talk with him is the second enjoyment I am going to miss.  The scope of topics on which we spoke is extensive; however, whenever we spoke regarding his topic [math] this usually involved a great amount of humor and patience on Justin's part toward me.  Justin knew math, loved math, this was his way of life; thinking in mathematical terms for Justin was as unconscious a function for him as breathing for us.  I miss you honey, I still cannot fathom you are not going to return to us...I cannot rid myself of the task of waiting; just in case.  I love you Justin...you're sad momma <3 br="">