I Want My Son BACK

“As my sufferings mounted I soon realized that there were two ways in which I could respond to my situation -- either to react with bitterness or seek to transform the suffering into a creative force. I decided to follow the latter course.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.

Today is the 11th; on some level [within me] I do not even need to see a calendar to know. Yes I know, there are 12 elevens in a year but I still have difficulty dealing with this monthly occurrence. My son, my Justin has been [gone] for two years, five months and nineteen hours and 30 minutes from the time of this post. This past weekend CJ [Green] was in Asheville and stopped by to visit Justin in his resting place; he is the first to do this. Sadly [due to the suddenness in loosing our Justin] I had no choice but to take him far from his brothers and sisters company. I truly wish [at the time] I had an alternative so more of Justin's Cuzes could visit; but alas, this was not possible.

Although, I am aware that no amount of prayers, wishes, begging or penance will bring Justin home I continue to ache for Justin's presence, his love, his hugs, his laughter, his kindness, gentle nature and friendship. [For those who do not understand the depth of my bereavement I owe no explanation.]

Decades ago I prayed to the Lord; during my life on this planet all I wished to know ~ [is true love and true happiness] and HE gifted me with Justin. Justin taught me true love, patience, joy, to put others before myself and with his presence the greatest happiness I have ever known in my lifetime [or will ever know again].

Justin and I will remain connected with an unseen [cord]; if you do not believe my words that is fine. However, I KNOW without a doubt that Justin watches over me attempting to protect me from the harsh reality of human actions.

I understand I will be in counseling for the remainder of my life as there is nothing, no [equation, example, answer, or rational] available for me to understand why Justin is no longer by my side.

I remain Justin's [loving, devoted and sad] momma throughout eternity.