Justin's Third Heavenly Anniversary

Today, January 11, 2014, Justin DeSha-Overcash has been absent from all of our lives for three very long years. Oddly; like everything else in this world it seems almost like 'yesterday'. I do not like that Justin is gone; no I do not like it one bit.

“As my sufferings mounted I soon realized that there were two ways in which I could respond to my situation -- either to react with bitterness or seek to transform the suffering into a creative force. I decided to follow the latter course.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.

Decades ago I prayed to the Lord that during my life on this planet all I wished to know ~ [was true love and true happiness] and HE gifted me with Justin. Justin taught me true love, patience, joy, to put others before myself and his mere presence in my life gave me the greatest happiness I have ever known [or will ever know until we meet again].

I know that no amount of praying, wishing, begging, bartering or thoughts of penance will bring Justin home. I still find great difficulty in coming to grips that Justin's presence, love, hugs, laughter, kindness, gentle nature and friendship could be taken away.

Life is empty and this is okay. Life is tedious and this is okay. Life is not fun any longer...this too is okay. I had a blast for 32 years and then I had Justin in my life for the next 22 years and I had no idea life could get even better! So I am truly much better off than some people who have never known love and happiness; even if I never find either again.

Justin and I remain connected with an unseen [cord]; if you do not believe my words that is fine. However, I know that Justin watches over me to protect me from the harshest reality of human actions.

Babe I really miss you, I know you're aware I talk to you all of the time! I so desperately wish things had not happened as they did honey....I wish nothing had happened at all....just our typical boring, uneventful life, aw Babe.....

I remain Justin's [loving, devoted and sad] momma throughout time and space I'll look for you among the stars Honey!

A Child and Mommas Connection~Unbreakable

While pregnant with Justin I did not know the baby's gender; even so, I chose to only pick out a boys name!

Justin for the baby's first name, Vance, after my step father, for the middle name, DeSha, my maiden name, as my father passed three years prior to Justin's birth and of course the birth fathers last name Overcash.

On the way to the hospital Justin's father kept asking was I absolutely certain that we should not have a girls name prepared?  I kept saying no; on his fifth annoying and redundant question I uncontrollably shouted, "OKAY!  FINE!  Justine Vanessa!!"  Adding much more loudly, "BUT IT'S NOT GONNA BE A GIRL!"

Hey I was experiencing contractions what do you want from me; civility?  If you knew him; he is extremely annoying by nature I truly feel [under the circumstances] I held it together very well!!  Chocking him went through my mind several times; however, he was driving and I was doing my contraction thing!

Oh for a young girls sake I hoped it was not going to be a girl; all of a sudden all I could hear in my mind was my voice shouting, "Justine Vanessa" and kept thinking I did not quite believe I could handle having a daughter with this name combination!  Now I really wanted to smack him for the mental anguish on top of contractions!

The 'only a boy' issue came about naturally on my part; #1~I just knew I was having a BOY. #2~I have four brothers of my own as well as many more male cousins [double] than female and Justin's father had one sibling; a brother, #3 I was carrying the baby low~BOY, and #4 a dream assured me that I was carrying a boy.  A dream you say; yes a dream an announcing dream and a most unsettling dream.

You may think it an 'old wives tale' or just believe it to be nonsense but for those who have an open mind there are many unexplainable occurrences in this world and one just has to take a leap of faith.

Google~ *Announcing Dream ~

*"A concept relating to reincarnation. When a soul is ready to reincarnate, it will announce itself, often to the woman pregnant with the soul’s future body. Sometimes, however, another person—such as the future child’s father or other relative—will have the announcing dream. Implies that the soul of a person does not enter the body at inception.

In my eighth month [you can believe or disbelieve me] I had such a dream; however, I would awaken from my *announcing dream shattered, crying and fearing for my future child.  My dream was so vivid even to this day I have never forgotten one detail.  This dream bothered me from that day and still does because my dream of Justin's announcing came true.

During my sleep [and as you have probably also said in referring to an intense dream, "It felt so real!"] their was a toddler standing in front of me.  I cannot tell you anything of what was in the surroundings I was so intent upon looking at this child.  He was so beautiful so fair complected, beautiful blue eyes [but they did not hold a look of happiness there was no expression at all], his hair was so blonde and curly, he wore red corduroy overalls and a pale yellow turtle neck.  He was holding his left hand on his left side under his rib cage and his right hand was atop his left.  I remember looking at him and cocking my head to the right as if I were puzzled and it was then he held out his hands toward me and his hands were covered with blood.  This is when I woke crying hysterically and told Justin's father of this horrible dream.  Justin was born shortly afterward on May 1, 1988.

Justin Christmas 1989 he was 19 months old and looking [swag] before there was [swag]!

On January 11, 2011 when Justin was murdered by a Prince Georges County, MD career criminal  

Justin was shot twice on his left side right below his rib cage in the precise place the toddler 

of my unforgettable announcing dream of 22 years earlier.


The holidays?  I am happy they have passed; sad that they will come again.  I successfully hid from everything and everyone; I know I cannot continue to handle the holidays hiding in my home [and not answering the phone] for the remainder of my life but without Justin life is not fun anymore. 

Honey I miss you...and Justin you know I will forever love you [bigger than the universe]!  momma 

   

Thank you Malaysia

I sincerely appreciate all of you taking time to read the blogs I type sharing stories about Justin's life.

It is so humbling to know people from as far away as Malaysia read about Justin and his accomplishments as well as his tragic, sad and senseless last moments.  Not to mention my including occurrences that involve my daily life and thoughts; Justin preferred only sharing his private life with only a select few.

I [on the other hand] have always been more of the mind to just tell everything [about me] to everyone then they have nothing to say about me behind my back!  

I do not mean to offend anyone in my writings so forgive me if I have or do in the future; keep in mind I have always tended to say 'what I mean and mean what I say".   My mantra~"The truth shall set you free."

I miss my beautiful son, Justin, beyond words.  Loosing Justin keeps me writing in an attempt to release even a modicum of the bereavement and sadness I hold within.

Again thank you and may God bless and keep each and everyone of you along with your families and friends safely within His light of love and protection.

I am and will remain Justin's momma 

Christmas Past [2009] Justin and me Silly String Battle~Thanks to Aunt Fran

The gauntlet is dropped!

EEEWWWW!  Stuff tastes nasty!  hahaha  Never, ever, laugh during a Silly String Battle!

HEY!  No fair Justin's shaking his can!!  No I didn't notice until I saw the photo! haha

We're both chickens! lololol  I miss you honey!

Justin definitely has the 'reach on me' I think I'm loosing!

Told you I was loosing!  Vacuums up easily; buy a few cans have some fun!  Justin's momma says so!

2010 School Begins Once More~PARTY!

Justin was making plans at the age of 3 so to have his proverbial 'ducks in a row' by the age of 22 was not difficult [for those of us who know him] to fathom. 

I truly love Justin's phone calls; inevitably he will end up admitting something which will bring me to hysterical laughter.  Justin always so low key, you can bet if he called with noticeable excitement in his voice what he has to say will make you laugh!  Some of Justin's plans are a might cheeky!

I received just such a call as fall '10 semester was ready to begin. It seems 8809 is about to throw their usual [back to school] bash but this year they had come up with a party theme to blow all other themes away!

Justin; "momma we're almost ready for our party!"

Me; "well you guys have a great time; how many are you expecting?"

Justin; "aw around 300."

Me; "Now that's what I call a party. Did you invite all the neighbors?"

Justin laughs and says; "momma you're not going to believe the theme we came up with this year; it's "THE NO POOL ~ POOL PARTY!!"

I roared with laughter..this was what I was waiting for and he knew it...

Justin excitedly added; "I was up until 5 AM making lifeguard tee shirts for everyone!"

I retorted, "lord honey you're going to fall asleep before you even get started partying!"

and we both laughed.

Oh to be young again with an abundance of never ending energy that seems limitless!

Justin's persona truly suited college life enjoying every moment in each day; although he chose to 'work as hard as he played'.  He dedicated himself to study his chosen majors with determination.  Justin possessed within him a competitive nature that would never allow him to  falter.  *Yes Justin was one of [those students] he took summer credit classes not because he had too because he wanted too!

 Justin's Lifeguard Shirt ~NO Pool Party~

No wonder they were up until 5 AM making Lifeguard shirts! lolol

This is partly my fault Justin mentioned he wanted to paint shirts 

so I bought and snail mailed him the paint!

  

Justin was well rounded and prepared to begin his life after college. Always the planner he knew what he wanted; a good job in the field of Physics, to continue his studies in Astronomy [due to his devotion to this subject], he wanted to continue making and recording beautiful music, he wanted children (more than one) Justin never liked being an only child, he wanted to build a rock house (like one sees in the south), and he wanted a golden retriever and one cat.  My planner...my son...my gift. 

Justin wanted to continue to make a difference in the area of research in the geological aspects of the Earth and would have never forgotten one friend he made a long his 22 year life's path.  He loves all his cuzes; lord Justin loves all people.

Justin, I do not believe I told you enough how proud I am of you and your prowess in your fields of study; I know I told you all of the time I love you.  Honey I am very proud of your scholastic ability which is well beyond my capability.  Congratulations son for being gifted with such a pure and beautiful mind, heart and soul.

I love you Babe so much son missing you causes pain in my heart...for the remainder of my time on this earth not one day will pass honey that you will not be within my heart and on my mind. My Justin...my constant; Justin you gave my heart more joy than I thought was ever possible.

I remain Justin's momma

Being a momma the BEST part of my life

At the age of four Justin heard the first monster in his room!  Like most children Justin entered a phase which made him fearful of the dark.  He imagined there were monsters in his closet and under his bed.  Could be; one never knows what lurks in the dark!

His anxiety, of course, caused me concern and pushed me to come up with a solution to ease his night-time worries. I thought a lot about how to help Justin and finally came up with a simple plan that I truly hoped would help Justin.

I bought a spray can of cinnamon scented room spray.  I took a piece of plain copy paper, wrote 'MONSTER-RID' at the top and drew a picture of a cartoon monster; I topped it with the O crossed with \ like one sees on no smoking signs.  Then I taped the paper around the can and took it in to show Justin and tell him about this magic spray I had found that protects children from bedtime monsters while they slept.

Every night, for months, I diligently sprayed the 'monster-rid' in Justin's room, his closet and under his bed. Justin never worried again or gave a second thought to those old monsters again and slept soundly through the nights.  Not to mention Justin's bedroom smelled really great all the time, too!   Do something special for your child to show how much you love them and how happy you are they are a part of your life.

Most times love from the heart offers the simplest solution ending with the best results.

I wish there really was a spray to rid us of monsters like the one you encountered honey in your home on January 11, 2011.

I love you my Justin and miss you more with each passing day....I was looking forward to doing all the things we had planned over the years...now I do not want to do anything without you here honey.

I miss you and love you 'bigger than the universe' Babe, I remain Justin's momma

When Your Child IS Involved Listen WITH Your Heart

With no idea why; I relocated from NC to MD on May 9, 2009.  Moving did allow me to spend a lot of time with Justin over the next year, 8 months and 2 days.  Time I would not have had with Justin had I remained in NC.

It only took me a few days after Justin's senseless and heinous murder to understand the purpose behind my move to MD. 

Had I remained in NC I would have only seen Justin on Thanksgiving or Christmas and a couple of days in August before his semesters began. God truly does work in mysterious ways; thank you God for Your knowledge of what the future would bring.  Your kindness toward my heart in allowing me to spend more time with Justin before You called him home will never be forgotten.

I miss you son; imagine how I dealt with you leaving for college and multiply this heartache by infinity plus one.  The clock ticks slowly away at every second of each 24 hours since you had to go away.  

I want 2011 to begin again with you, Justin, unharmed.  Every day I want so badly to wake up and realize this has been a bad dream honey; to turn back the hands of time for real not just in my mind.  Finally the phone rings and you are on the other end.  If only.....if only....

I never thought [for even a nano second] honey you would leave us and now that you have I do not like it...no, I do not like it at all. Our life use to be filled to the brim with wondrous moments while you were here Justin.  Now there is no [wonder], no [happiness], no [understanding], no [need to be].  So many hearts shattered; then there are the ones who do not understand and tell me to 'move on'.  I have literally turned my back to those who tout these absurd words as so few have had a beautiful child to love and cherish; they have absolutely no clue [thank God] of what they speak.  Society is insane to teach us to pretend all is fine and well when in fact it is neither.  I have never adhered to societal pressures and I certainly do not plan on starting now!  You lived, you were murdered and I want you back Justin!

I will grieve for you, my child, in my own manner and way; if others do not like it DO NOT LOOK, DO NOT LISTEN or INVOLVE yourselves! 

Thank you Justin for everything you did for me and others, thank you son for loving me and others, thank you for bringing out my ability to love and cherish you my child. I love you "beyond all reason", I miss your hugs, pranks, laughter, compassion, thoughts, observations of the world and so much more honey. I remain your loving momma throughout eternity and beyond.

I miss and love you honey and always will...until we meet again; keep watch over us...momma

Repost of Justin's Christmas Tribute from Christmas 2012~Background Music Composed by Jca$h

http://youtu.be/zoltOL6lG0Y 

My Beautiful Son~Justin

A letter to Justin February 2011

Dear Justin;

I wanted to tell you honey how proud I am of you and the way you chose to lead your short lived life.  Justin you never did anything which I feel the least bit of shame; what kind of momma would I be if I showed this emotion toward my child.  What I know of you I am grateful and joyful; what I do not I need not know. Know one will ever know everything about everyone they know in their lifetime.

Justin you worked so hard and carried so more on your young shoulders.  Although this never seemed to phase you; challenges are your penchants.  You never let anyone know if you were down or unwell [including me].  I know this for a fact as I too have the same characteristic in my personality. 

Thank you son for all the wonderful moments we shared, your unconditional love, your acceptance of my flaws, the care & respect you gave me, the laughter you shared, the talks about ideals, showing me the stars, making me humble, always knowing when something was wrong with me and bringing me more joy in my life than I have ever known or will ever know again.

I know you float among space and the stars in awe of the answers to questions the rest of us will know in time.  I can not express in words what an honor to be your momma.  I  know I will see you again and oh what joy I will have on this day. 

God rest your youthful soul and please watch over us until we meet again.

My beautiful love, my son. my constant, my friend; you accepted me and everyone exactly the way we are...thank you honey for not judging.

I love you with all my heart honey, momma.

Justin [almost 2 years old] snacking, relaxing and watching TV in Horse Shoe, NC 1990.