My recent dream of Justin [finally he came to visit me!!] seems to be allowing me to make small strides in my attempt to trudge sadly toward returning to the real world; even though Justin's feet are no longer on this planet. I hope this is a good sign that I may sadly find a place for the loss of my wonderful son, Justin; thus, finding a purpose to live. This has not been a path easily traversed; I liken my trip in [surreal land] to a severe emotional overload. Suddenly one is thrown into uncontrollable 'ups & downs' forcing you to succumb to emotions never felt. One becomes hypersensitive developing a true sense of hopelessness which encases you. In my case; I suddenly experience emotional waves that bring on unrelenting and continuous crippling levels of physical, mental and emotional agony; a level I have never known. I would describe what I sense as standing upon a breaking ledge in the ultimate, "shoulda, woulda, coulda" life's moment. I keep remembering what Dr. George Armstrong said to me on January 11, 2011 when I phoned and woke him at 11:10 P. M., "Cry if you're crying, laugh if you're laughing and try to put one foot in front of the other each day." Since loosing Justin the 'try' part was not available in my life's equation; until Justin came to see and speak with me. Thank you Honey...love you always, I remain Justin's confused momma ♥
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